Worship Wednesday: Poetry & Song

[Beautiful. inspiring. encouraging. honest. truth. Written by my best friend. Read and enjoy.]

There was a day when worry would bring fears to me at night.

I would toss and turn and wonder

“Is what I’m doing right?”

Faced with the decisions and details of the day,

I would wait

I would wonder

I would hold my breath and pray…

But no longer will I worry that somehow I’ll let Him down

That I’ll choose the wrong direction

That I’ll somehow get me lost

That I’m failing

That I’m falling

That I can’t afford the cost

I’ve been freed from that prison

And I will not step back in

The details do not matter

As long as I’m with Him

When the question comes around again

As I know it’s bound to do,

“Where, Lord, should I go?”

And “What, Lord, shall I do?”

I hope my heart remembers

I hope my mind will know

I SERVE THE LORD WITH EVERY STEP

That is where I go.

I will never live for nothing

I will never be alone

The doors I close, I won’t regret

The ones I choose will be my own

When I step in a direction

I will find a victory

Every corner that I turn, an adventure there for me

My life will not be nothing

Won’t be small

Won’t be trite

I will live for something

Lord of GLORY; Lord of might!

My life is not my own now

It is yours

You breathe in me

I’ll let Jesus be ambitious

He will find the victory!!

Left alone, I might have squandered

Might mismanage or delay

But I am not in charge now

The Lord now has the say

He will not be conquered

He will not be made a fool

The Lord my God is Yahweh!!

My life is just the tool.

That sweet love of God.

If you need a pick me up. Watch this video.

Nothing cuter than my two little nephews singing away.

I. Love. it.

Check them out!

Just plain random.

I want about 6 kids. In my world I'd have carry four in my belly and two in my heart [i.e. adopt].

I wish I could dress like most of the girls in my preschool class. They make seriously such fun and colorful clothes for kids. And the only place that does that for adults is JCrew and that place is about my weeks pay check for two sweaters. sigh.

I had to seriously talk with my friend about whether or not to get a data plan on my new phone. For like 30 minutes. And when I went to the store (still torn) he made the decision easy for me. "You want your phone to represent you, ya know?" my response "actually no, there are lots of other things I want to represent me... (in an awkward laugh voice combo while looking at the ground)"And there it was. decided for me. crystal clear. the exact reason I didn't want to pay for a data plan and a schnazy (thats how i spell it) phone. I dont want to be obsessed with my phone. I dont want to be synced in with all my outlets at once all day long. I dont want to be someone who puts their freaking phone on the table when I'm out with friends or getting coffee with someone. I don't want to have my phone always in my back pocket so I can check it every. time. something. irrelevant. happens. on. twitter. or facebook. or pinterest. or wherever. I want to be p.r.e.s.e.n.t with whoever I am with whenever it is all the time. I hate sitting in a room with people and every pulls out their phone and zones out. I hate it. So that is my decision and my odd conviction about data plans and fancy cell phones.

I have all my folders from college categorized by year and semester. Some special classes are even bound in a new notebook version.

I own a pair of crocs for the sole purpose of showering at the gym. Guilty.

Daily I have to fight the urge of cleaning and organizing my house until perfection. I will do this until 4 am if left to my own desires. I have to verbally will myself to leave something out or messy so that I won't go into cleaning overload. [once I start cleaning I h.a.t.e. leaving it "unfinished" every room has to be done].

I wish I was more techy and knew how to make my blog look cool and glitzy and such. I am a computer lame-o.

Sometimes I watch movies that I know will make me cry on purpose. Crying can feel good sometimes.

I dont know which I want more. To have my masters already or to have babies. [I know that by saying that people will flip out about these things 1. youre not old enough yet, just wait 2. you dont have enough money yet, just wait 3. you guys should travel more, just wait 4. babies change everything, just wait. and on and on.] AND just because I say that, doesn't mean I'm trying to have one. Can't I feel something without actually doing that!? Yes. That doesn't mean I'm trying to make it happen okay! It amazes me what people say to me about having kids without me even talking about it [more on that later]. Everyone relax! Ha! I'm just sayin!

I made my F.I.R.S.T batch of chocolate chip cookies O.F. M.Y. L.I.F.E. yesterday on my own. Well with my little cousin as my assistant (she was spending the night). And I didn't burn a single one.

Penny from "Happy Endings" is my favorite character on tv. I love her spunk and off humor and just overall attitude. Love it. Such a funny show.

I talk about my nephews as if they were my own kids. I love them. I cannot wait for the two that are due in May! AH! Heart. Exploding.

I secretly want to write a devotional for high school girls. Specifically about making their faith their own without the "camp high" or "mountain top experience" driving them. About learning how to change their lives in a way that enables them to be present in their walk with God. [I've told a few people about it, and now the blog-o-sphere so it's not really a secret...] what do you think friends?

Today I bought a homeless man Taco Bell because he asked. He said, "I'm just really hungry. Can you help me?" And so I happened to have just sold an old useless watch to a gold for cash man [random I know- but I'm on this purging spree so I'll tell you about it later]. I said sure, lets go in. When we got in, he asked how much was okay for him to get? I told him to get whatever he wanted [fearfully afraid after saying it that he might order like 40 things and I'd have to explain to Kevin why I spent 80 dollars at Taco Bell... But you know what he ordered? Two chicken chalupas. That's it. I offered for him to get a drink too, thinking he must be thirsty, and he only asked for a cup of water. The total came to $8.12. He also asked if I had any money for his bus back to the shelter. It was $2.00. What do you know I sold the broken watch for $10.00. Two other stores wouldn't buy the watch. But this last one I tried paid just enough for this man to get food and on the bus. [Sure maybe the two bucks went somewhere else we could speculate, but I'm trusting God on his provision in this moment]. And as I looked in his eyes, before I could say God bless him, he met my gaze and said it to me. Isn't it amazing when you do things for others because God is telling you to in your heart, that they feel it on the other side? If you don't know what I'm talking about, go do something that makes you uncomfortable, but that you know is right. And I promise you will experience what I am talking about.

Worship Wednesday

So from now on, I am going to do my best to post a few videos of worship songs that I love or that God is speaking to me through on Wednesdays. I hope to encourage you as you surf the web into Pinterest bliss... Or whatever you have to accomplish online. I hope that God will use this music to minister to you. To reach you mid week and remind you that He loves you. To remind you that He desires your praise. To remind you that He is a good God. A gracious and loving God who longs to be close to our hearts. So I pray that it will refresh you. Enjoy.

First Time.

Today, for the first time, I told someone that I want to get my Masters in Social Work to work with Adoption and Teen Mothers- and they told me well done. She told me how incredible that is. How emotionally challenging yet rewarding it will be. With a smile on her face she encouraged me.

The troubling part was, she is a complete stranger. My friends Grandmother. She is visiting them this weekend, and while they were out, they decided to stop by and introduce us.

I can't tell you how many times I have told people about what I want to do. About what God has called me to. And how passionate I am about it. And how many times they've changed the subject. Told me I should do something that makes more money. Told me it is "hard" and "not that fun". There have been maybe, maybe a handful that recognize how important this is to me. Maybe a few have understood my love, my grief, and my desire to help these young women. Many make jokes about the fact that maybe I just watch baby shows, or teen mom because I want to have a baby myself. Many mock my passion for new life. For pregnancy, birth, and family.

But not today. Today I felt so affirmed. So appreciated. From a stranger.

Not that I am not confident in what God has called me to do, I am. And I . will. do. it.
But as sweet as it was, it was hard. Hard to think about all those who know me and love me that don't understand me. That hear possible financial hardship instead of my dreams. That see a salary number instead of my heart. That see worldly value instead of the heavenly gift that is valuing life, every life, especially the life of a newborn child. That see working in a painful and gut wrenching field such as Social Work, as less meaningful than something that is "fun" or "makes better money" or "could still help people with less work"...

And so it stung a bit as I thought of all the times that I had other reactions from friends and family. It stung a little more to think about all the times I have crushed someone else as they poured out their dreams. All the times I made suggestions instead of truly hearing someone. All the times I looked past the joy and passion of a few simple words "I want to do _______ with my life" and carried onto where I got my sweater...

Are you hearing what I am saying friends?

I thank God for that interaction today. Not because it gave me a momentary joy of feeling understood and valued, but it brought me to my knees before God of ALL the times I've done the exact same thing. Please God let me see through the noise and simply hear peoples hearts. Help me to see them through your eyes. The love them how they need to be loved in the moments I encounter them. God I pray that you give us a renewed sense of purpose. That we would stop seeing life in means of salary, retirement money, bank accounts, and "stability" and that we would see fragile, needy, longing hearts who desire to feel your comfort. That we would seek to serve YOU alone in our "career" (whatever that is anyways. our job is to spread your gospel. all else simply enables us to do so.)

Father. Help us to love. others. as. ourselves. Help us avoid taking the easy road. Give us a desire to FEEL above the desire to numb ourselves with vices. Lord pour out your spirit of mercy upon us to seek out those in need. The hungry, the lonely, the sick, the widow, the orphan Lord. For we were orphans Lord. Father reveal the gifts you've given us, give us strength to do and obey what you have called us to do. Let us choose love again and again and again, even as a stranger.

"Life's Calling"

My good friend recently wrote about our understanding of our "calling" in life. I like what she had to say. 

Too often I get lost. We all get lost- on what God is calling us to do, as if it starts and ends with one action- one career- one dream. We miss the mark when we see His world with such tunnel vision. Here is what she has to say. 

"Since working as a nurse, I've wrestled with my understanding of life calling. I believe God calls us to work in places where our strengths and passions meet His needs in the world. Work, for every person, can be used for God's kingdom. I'm not sure that is as simplistic as I imagined in college. Work does not define me nor will it sustain me. Work cannot measure my worth. Work cannot fulfill me. Only God can do this. My successes and failures at work do not validate or invalidate my ministry. When I say ministry, I'm referring to the way in which God asks me to act in the world, to experience His love and transformation, and in thanks be missional, expressing His love to others and taking His Church to the world. When I look at my career to be affirming and rewarding, not only am I disappointed, but I become bitter and ungrateful. This has been my struggle. Learning to rest in God, seeking his love and affirmation."

Such a good reminder. Our ONLY fulfillment can be found in God. Praise Him for that. 

In my life.

"Teacher Cawnee, always remember to pull up your undies" (while taking a little one to the potty)

"Teacher Cabalee, if we don't throw our trash away, it.. it.. it.. will hurt mother natures feelings"

"Teacher Collee, I sorry I rude" (after a long class...)

"Teacher Colleen, I've got a poop. A really big poop. It's huge" (just plain random)

"Teacher, God loves even me." (during circle time)

"Teacher Coneen, it's time to be angry" (when he didn't like what his seat partner was up to)

"Teacher Coneen, I put my list-er-een ears on now" (after missing recess)

"No teacher, I no sing songs, I sit alone now" (putting himself in the "Time Alone" chair)

Kid 1 "In my sleep, a ninja man kicked me out of bed and dog ate my hand!"
Kid 2 "In my sleep, apple juice"