Okay. So I am on this journey.
This journey that God keeps calling me to. This journey that I know is going to change my life and the way I live it dramatically. Even though I keep looking away from it, I know it is going to happen. God is calling me, convicting me, bringing things into my awareness that I cannot avoid. And I just feel it. Have you ever felt like that? That you were on the brink of change? That you were so close to something big that you got goosebumps for no reason? Well that is the place I am at.
It feels good. and it feels scary. It feels like I am acknowledging that God is asking me to give up. GIve up all that I have made valuable in my life. Give up the worth I have placed on things. stuff. ideals. dreams. He is telling me that He will bring he new dreams. better dreams. And as I state the obvious to you, it still sounds like some extreme thing. right? Wrong. God calls us throughout the entire Bible to cast our idols aside and have no other God but him.
"Colleen stop being so extreme, so dramatic, God gave us these things to enjoy!"
Enjoying something God gave you, and putting something before God (either with time, devotion to that thing, or the use of that thing to avoid God) are entirely different.
Yes. God made the earth for us to inhabit and use. But he commands us not to have idols. And boy have we turned every last thing into an idol on this earth. I know for certain I am not the only one who has. Whether we are aware of it or not- we have. We have put value, worth, time, money into the entertaining, the flashy, the new, the bigger and better, the material. The things that will rot and rust and fade into the earth. Obviously I know this is not a new thing. Since the fall we have placed value on almost everything we can instead of God alone. I know that I am not speaking words that are changing you to your core right now. These are not new thoughts. We know them. Yet we fail miserably at correcting them. Selfishly, lustfully, jealously, we fail.
I just wrote and deleted and rewrote and deleted again the list of excuses we make about why we don't do the things we are called to do, and the real reasons we arent willing to make the sacrifices and changes. I deleted them because I not only do not want to condemn others, but I dont want to condemn myself as well. That won't help. We need to channel Gods love and incredible grace as the means to change our focus and fulfill the emptiness we continue to cram other idols into (i.e. computer, tv, cars, clothes, make up, food, sex, gossip, status) into the place that only God can fill, because only God created us and knows us and made us to be with Him. Only God can change us. Condemnation of the self and others will not. Does that mean we should make excuses- NO. Does it mean that we should not repent and ask for God's forgiveness for putting worthless crap above Him- NO. We must ask. Does it mean we should wait until we FEEL we can overcome these obstacles- NO. We will never feel that way. That is the problem. We will always desire the instant gratification that those stated previously bring to us. We will always want an instant feeling or distraction that idols bring into our lives. And so presents our great need for God's grace and healing touch. Only He can change us. Fulfill us. Make us new.
You can buy new clothes, drive a new car, live in a bigger and better house, you can even become a different person with all the surgeries in the world for your external body. But you will remain the same inside. Only God can change who we are internally. Only God can empower us to take those steps. And I trust that He will. I pray that He will. I need Him too. You need Him to. He has so much more for our lives than what we think life is about.
So why am I saying all of this? I'm not sure. God put it on my heart to write about. And so I will. I hope you read it as an encouraging challenge and not annoying. My intention is to write about things that I have struggled with, and if I do, I am certain there is at least one, and probably many more that struggle with similar things (since we see it throughout the Bible and our history). So please hear my heart. I can only trust that God will use my words to encourage someone, somewhere. To make you think. To make me think. To help me grow.
Here are the scriptures that God has placed in front of me, addressing some of these issues I have been working on.
Matthew 23: 25-28
" Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You clean the outside of the cup and dish, but inside they are full of greed and self-indulgence. Blind Pharisee! First clean the inside of the cup and dish, and then the outside also will be clean. We to you teachers of the law and Pharisees. You are like whitewashed tombs, which look beautiful on the outside but on the inside are full of dead men's bones and everything unclean. In the same way, on the outside you appear to people as righteous, but on the inside you are full of hypocrisy and wickedness."
Matthew 6:2-4, 19-24
" Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.
The eye is the lamp of the body. If your eyes are good, your whole body will be full of light. But if your eyes are bad, your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light within you is darkness, how great is that darkness.
No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and Money."
" So when you give to the needy, do not announce it with trumpets, as the hypocrits do in the synagogues and on the streets, to be honored by men. I tell you the truth they have received their reward in full. But when you give to they needy, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, so that your giving may be in secret. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.
Luke 12: 32-34 (Read Luke 12 in its entirety to get a better glimpse of the story)
"Do not be afraid, little flock, for your Father has been please to give you the kingdom. Sell your possessions and give to the poor. Provide purses for yourselves that will not wear out, a treasure in heaven that will not be exhausted, where no thief comes near and no moth destroys. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."
He is calling me over and over to make this change. To get to my basics. To sell those things that are excess and that I have put too much worth in. So I am writing it here- so you will see and hold me accountable. I am going to create an account to sell some stuff and the money I have made, I am going to donate it to a few places. I will let you know what the next step is. I am also going to plan a six month devotional through the Bible. I will post on how I am doing it so if you want to join me, you can! Please pray for me in this situation. I have much more to write on this topic. Thank you friends.
Sunday, January 29, 2012
Saturday, January 28, 2012
Follow Him.
Have you ever wondered what God made you to do?
Have you ever wanted to spend the rest of your life doing something, but felt you couldn't because of money?
Because of what others would think?
Have you ever had people tell you to do what makes the most money?
Have you ever felt like your dreams are so far away?
Why?
What is it stopping you from take.the.step?
Step towards it.
Volunteer.
Do what you love for FREE.
Do what you love with nothing in return.
I promise God will honor it.
Sigh a breath of relief. A breath of joy.
He wants to bring you to that joy.
Follow Him.
Follow Him.
Follow Him.
Please. You. Will. Not. Regret. It.
Have you ever been afraid to take the leap?
JUMP!
The worst is that you fall and skin your knee.
Wounds can heal.
Opportunities cannot come again.
Be who you want to be.
Whoever you are.
Be.
Follow Him.
Follow His call.
Follow your convictions.
Follow His word.
Follow His son.
Follow His spirit and its leading.
Follow what is honest and true.
Follow Him.
Monday, January 9, 2012
God's Answer
For the past few weeks I have been working on discerning what God wants for the next few steps of our journey in Washington to be. We believe we are weeks away from moving into an apartment, and hopeful for potential second job opportunities for me (as my pre school job is only part time). Deciding who/what/when/where/how have been the hardest part for us. God has been so present in our time here together, but also saying, wait. wait. wait more. be hopeful. be patient. trust me. trust me. trust me more. So here I am. Waiting, afraid to hope, and searching myself for trust. Trust I know God deserves, my life is an account of His faithfulness.
Our frequent prayer is that we would be faithful, hopeful, and patient. That we would seek what God has for us, and be open to responding. We know God has brought us here for a purpose. A beautiful purpose. And slowly, He is revealing parts of that promise to me. Little glimpses of a lesson He undeniably wants to be engrained in my core. And this is where the title of the blog is from. Love. The greatest of these things he wants to teach me (and all people) is HOW to love others, HIS WAY.
In all these special, little ways, He is whispering to me, "Love my precious children. Pay attention to what he/she is asking you for. For gentleness, for patience, for instruction, for a soft voice, for a glance, for a smile, for YOU Colleen." God is calling me to love others in ways that stretch me. As thin as the pages of His word. "Will you love them when you don't want to? WIll you love them when they test your every word? Will you love them when they are sick? Will you love them when they are screaming, flailing, sobbing for anyone but you? WIll you love them, like I love YOU?" He asks. Prove it. He urges. "Show me that I can count on you, Colleen." He calls. "Show me that you understand what I am asking you to do, that you are faithful." He says.
And isn't that what the Scriptures are all about anyways (in a ridiculously simplified kind of way)? A twofold story about God's love for us, and His command to love others the same way. To love others above ourselves. The same way He set His son before the cross. To love others who appear unlovable. The sinner. The ugly. The sick. The undeserving. The enemy. The unfaithful one. The runaway. The addict. The needy. The liar. The orphan. The widow. The dying. The angry one. The abusive. The lonely. The neighbor. There is no person on this earth that is not worth loving he calls. There is no person on this earth more important than the one who is next to you, or in front of you, or behind you. They are His precious one. He made them. He has a purpose for them. They are made in His image, I am made in His image. The God of all creation. No words.
So as I hold and rock a crying child, I praise Jesus. Because He put me here at this moment to hold him and comfort him, a little boy who wanted to be held instead of playing. As I sing Jesus loves me for the 5th time that morning due to popular demand, I thank God. Because He led me here to tell my 39 PRECIOUS two year olds that Jesus is in their heart, and they want to hear it over, and over, and over again. He led me here for a great moment this morning, when one of my sweet little girls looked up and said, "Teacher Cawneeeee, Jesus is in my heart" with a smile that resonated through her body. He led me here for that. Praise Him. Tears in my eyes praise Him.
He led me here for 39 noses to wipe. He led me here for clean up time. He led me here for finger paints, and blocks, and mumbled words, and spontaneous kisses on the cheek, and story time, and watching eyes who respond entirely better to a gentle voice, a whisper in their ear, a soothing hug, an eye level smile, a watch teacher squish paint in between her fingers so I won't be afraid, for 39 helpers who shout "I did it" when they put toys in the right place, or go down the slide, or color on the paper and not the table, chair, child sitting next to them, or their own teeth. Magic. He led me here to show me the many wonders that come from seeing life through the eyes of 39 precious, honestly precious little children. And I am renewed each day from the overflow of love I have for them.
He gives me a glimpse and says, "This, this is how I want you to see my children. This, this is how I want you to love all those you encounter. This, this is the attitude I want you to have. A spirit of gentleness Colleen. Clothed in patience Colleen. Covered in joyfulness. Overwhelmed with an attitude of servanthood. Serve my people as you serve these children. In word. In deed. In spirit. "
So as I sat tonight thinking of what Scripture I wanted to read, I decided to do Kevin and my devotion for the day (since he is working until 3am...) by myself. The passage for today was Romans 12:9 &15. I read it. I don't like the wording. Sounds like it came from the Message. (Not sipping haterade here, I just don't like the simplified wording here!) So I go to open my Bible. Where does it fall open to thanks to a bookmark that I don't remember moving... Romans. What is the heading at this section: Marks of a True Christian. If there is one thing I have been working on this year, it is being true to my faith and open about it at every opportunity. And what do you know. Just yesterday, I got an e-mail from an old friend from High School who I have been messaging back and forth about the Bible and its truth. He has many things about religion that have made him turn away from it and so on. However, at the end of his message he said this... "I hope I do not offend you with my opinions, and thank you for being true to your faith. " I do not say this because I think I am some perfect Christian who you should be like- ad my goal for telling you is not our of proudness or anything of the like. No. I say this because God is showing me links. He is connecting the dots in front of my eyes, I just need to seek Him in all I do. Had I opened Romans yesterday, the heading would not have stuck out at all. But now, after someone telling me that, and making me think again, that even people I have not spoken to in years, see what I do or say, makes me rejoice. Makes me thankful to God that by his grace, someone noticed Him through my life.
I want my life to show, however big or small, the marks of a true Christian. How can we ever know who is a true Christian Colleen!? Well this is what God's word says.
Romans 12:9-21
9 Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good.10 Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor. 11 Do not be slothful in zeal, be fervent in spirit, serve the Lord. 12 Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer. 13 Contribute to the needs of the saints and seek to show hospitality.14 Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them. 15Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. 16 Live in harmony with one another. Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly. Never be wise in your own sight. 17 Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all.18 If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.19 Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.” 20 To the contrary, “if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.” 21 Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.
So how will I proceed out here? Well God answered that tonight, and has been showing me all along the way. Rejoicing in hope, patient in tribulation, and constant in prayer.
Our frequent prayer is that we would be faithful, hopeful, and patient. That we would seek what God has for us, and be open to responding. We know God has brought us here for a purpose. A beautiful purpose. And slowly, He is revealing parts of that promise to me. Little glimpses of a lesson He undeniably wants to be engrained in my core. And this is where the title of the blog is from. Love. The greatest of these things he wants to teach me (and all people) is HOW to love others, HIS WAY.
In all these special, little ways, He is whispering to me, "Love my precious children. Pay attention to what he/she is asking you for. For gentleness, for patience, for instruction, for a soft voice, for a glance, for a smile, for YOU Colleen." God is calling me to love others in ways that stretch me. As thin as the pages of His word. "Will you love them when you don't want to? WIll you love them when they test your every word? Will you love them when they are sick? Will you love them when they are screaming, flailing, sobbing for anyone but you? WIll you love them, like I love YOU?" He asks. Prove it. He urges. "Show me that I can count on you, Colleen." He calls. "Show me that you understand what I am asking you to do, that you are faithful." He says.
And isn't that what the Scriptures are all about anyways (in a ridiculously simplified kind of way)? A twofold story about God's love for us, and His command to love others the same way. To love others above ourselves. The same way He set His son before the cross. To love others who appear unlovable. The sinner. The ugly. The sick. The undeserving. The enemy. The unfaithful one. The runaway. The addict. The needy. The liar. The orphan. The widow. The dying. The angry one. The abusive. The lonely. The neighbor. There is no person on this earth that is not worth loving he calls. There is no person on this earth more important than the one who is next to you, or in front of you, or behind you. They are His precious one. He made them. He has a purpose for them. They are made in His image, I am made in His image. The God of all creation. No words.
So as I hold and rock a crying child, I praise Jesus. Because He put me here at this moment to hold him and comfort him, a little boy who wanted to be held instead of playing. As I sing Jesus loves me for the 5th time that morning due to popular demand, I thank God. Because He led me here to tell my 39 PRECIOUS two year olds that Jesus is in their heart, and they want to hear it over, and over, and over again. He led me here for a great moment this morning, when one of my sweet little girls looked up and said, "Teacher Cawneeeee, Jesus is in my heart" with a smile that resonated through her body. He led me here for that. Praise Him. Tears in my eyes praise Him.
He led me here for 39 noses to wipe. He led me here for clean up time. He led me here for finger paints, and blocks, and mumbled words, and spontaneous kisses on the cheek, and story time, and watching eyes who respond entirely better to a gentle voice, a whisper in their ear, a soothing hug, an eye level smile, a watch teacher squish paint in between her fingers so I won't be afraid, for 39 helpers who shout "I did it" when they put toys in the right place, or go down the slide, or color on the paper and not the table, chair, child sitting next to them, or their own teeth. Magic. He led me here to show me the many wonders that come from seeing life through the eyes of 39 precious, honestly precious little children. And I am renewed each day from the overflow of love I have for them.
He gives me a glimpse and says, "This, this is how I want you to see my children. This, this is how I want you to love all those you encounter. This, this is the attitude I want you to have. A spirit of gentleness Colleen. Clothed in patience Colleen. Covered in joyfulness. Overwhelmed with an attitude of servanthood. Serve my people as you serve these children. In word. In deed. In spirit. "
So as I sat tonight thinking of what Scripture I wanted to read, I decided to do Kevin and my devotion for the day (since he is working until 3am...) by myself. The passage for today was Romans 12:9 &15. I read it. I don't like the wording. Sounds like it came from the Message. (Not sipping haterade here, I just don't like the simplified wording here!) So I go to open my Bible. Where does it fall open to thanks to a bookmark that I don't remember moving... Romans. What is the heading at this section: Marks of a True Christian. If there is one thing I have been working on this year, it is being true to my faith and open about it at every opportunity. And what do you know. Just yesterday, I got an e-mail from an old friend from High School who I have been messaging back and forth about the Bible and its truth. He has many things about religion that have made him turn away from it and so on. However, at the end of his message he said this... "I hope I do not offend you with my opinions, and thank you for being true to your faith. " I do not say this because I think I am some perfect Christian who you should be like- ad my goal for telling you is not our of proudness or anything of the like. No. I say this because God is showing me links. He is connecting the dots in front of my eyes, I just need to seek Him in all I do. Had I opened Romans yesterday, the heading would not have stuck out at all. But now, after someone telling me that, and making me think again, that even people I have not spoken to in years, see what I do or say, makes me rejoice. Makes me thankful to God that by his grace, someone noticed Him through my life.
I want my life to show, however big or small, the marks of a true Christian. How can we ever know who is a true Christian Colleen!? Well this is what God's word says.
Romans 12:9-21
9 Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good.10 Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor. 11 Do not be slothful in zeal, be fervent in spirit, serve the Lord. 12 Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer. 13 Contribute to the needs of the saints and seek to show hospitality.14 Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them. 15Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. 16 Live in harmony with one another. Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly. Never be wise in your own sight. 17 Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all.18 If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.19 Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.” 20 To the contrary, “if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.” 21 Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.
So how will I proceed out here? Well God answered that tonight, and has been showing me all along the way. Rejoicing in hope, patient in tribulation, and constant in prayer.
Monday, January 2, 2012
2012
Hi friends! (Picture me waving and smiling to you)
New Years.... I'm going to jump right in.
What is that for you!? Is God giving you a new vision? Calling you to scary and trying places? Opening your eyes to the broken and alone? Pushing you to try new things, meet new people, or step out in new ways with your faith? I certainly hope so.
Here is what is on my heart for you, whoever is reading this- it's for a reason (whether I know you or not- God will use it I pray): He is so big and so good and He wants to bring you into a new joy that you've yet to know. Take the leap with Him. Trust your convictions. Speak in love without hesitation, it is always worth it. Say sorry. Just LOVE those you encounter in whatever way that works. Okay!?
As for me, I am eager for what God is going to do this year. In a new place. A new job. A new marriage. A new everything. Is that scary? Yes. Is it sometimes overwhelming? Of course. Do I often second guess our decision? You bet. However, is God distant from me (us) in this time? Never. He is so present. He is the comforter.
A good friend reminded me (after some discussion and reflection since moving) about the Israelites in the desert and how many times they looked back in longing to Egypt, to their imprisonment, and asked God to take them back there. BACK TO ALL THAT ENSLAVED THEM! The fear of what was ahead. The fear of truly trusting the God who answered their cry to get them out of Egypt. It is scary to trust God when our human eyes and hearts cannot see what lies ahead. It is scary to rely on God to make the way, thinking we can do it better. It is easier to look back, and see comfort and ease, and seek that. But to do so, is to miss the promise land. To do so, is to turn from the call God put on my heart that brought me (us) out to Washington in the first place. To do so is to ignore the dreams he gave me of those I am teaching right now. And so I will run. I will run towards what it is he has for us. I will run ahead and focus my eyes on the Lord and His perfect plan- replacing distractions with prayer and study. That is my goal. Here are a few ways I intend on doing so this next year, month, day, hour, minute, second!
1. Unplug. Over and over God has been calling me to unplug myself from so many distractions. Convicting me to turn my eyes from status updates and photos of other peoples lives, and focus on living the life He wants for me. He convicts us all in different things, and you may think that is not very big, but for me, it is a time sucker that takes away from better things. My friend Alex wrote a great post on what he calls, "technology idolatry" and it hit me. God had been convicting me for a while that I need to put His word and worship before signing in to facebook, twitter, blogs, or tv. Read his blog if you'd like to read what he wrote HERE. I don't know for how long, and I am not going to set numbers to any of these goals, I trust God will let me know when I am ready.
2. Serve. Jesus came and he served. He served all those he encountered. He served the loved, the poor, the lonely, the hated, the broken, the mean spirited, the doubters, and his own family. My goal is to live this year (and all those after) as a reflection of Him, the servant. Working to live a life less focused on my immediate "needs" and as an outpour of God's love to the needs of others. How? It can be anything really. What does it seem like the lady crying on the bus stop needs? A hug? A hot meal? A kind smile? I'm not sure- I probably won't know- but I know that if I earnestly seek God and ask Jesus to give me the spirit to teach me daily, He will provide just that. "He must become greater; I must become less." - John 3:30 I posted last week from a blog Kisses for Katie, on living life "bent low" and that is my second goal. If only you could see the tears I cried as I read her post and felt the joy that God wants to bless me with as I seek Him, and serve Him, bent low. Loving others and showing them the love of Jesus. There is something overwhelming about reading the words from a stranger across the world, that reflect the longings of your heart. Incredible. Go HERE to read that post again- but please don't stop there, read on and on.
3. To love myself. Now this may sound conflicting with the previous goal. But I do not think I can do the other without loving who God made me to be. Trusting that the lessons, failures, successes, and convictions He has given me are exactly what He wants them to be. Learning to trust that I am His precious, cherished one. That means believing that I am strong enough to do what He has called me to. That means shutting out self doubt, image, materialism and adding courage that is founded in the word. It means creating a healthy lifestyle to take care of the temple that is my body. It means putting aside things that will ultimately leave me empty; gadgets, jewels, junk, that will rust and fade in time and focusing on the truth that brings freedom and joy. By loving who God has made me to be (and made you to be) I will be a better agent of the gospel. As I learn to better love myself, I can certainly hope that God will show me how to better love my neighbor. Which is what He wants from me above all else. To love those all around me, my neighbor, as myself.
I don't like to starve, so God help me find ways to feed the hungry.
I don't like to be cold, so God help me find ways to bring warmth.
I don't like to feel alone, so God help me bring comfort.
I don't like to hurt, so God help me bring your healing.
I don't like to be without you, so God help me bring your word to those in longing.
I can feel it in my core that God is going to use me (as He has before) in new ways. Calling me to obedience. Calling me to feed off His word daily. Calling me to be satisfied in Him. Pray for me along the way. Pray fro Kevin too- as he puts up with my new ideas and wild journey. Pray that we have a shared vision of this new life we are building up here. Thank you for sharing in this journey with me. As for the little resolutions I have... here are a few....
1. Run a half marathon/be in good overall health
2. Begin and finish applications for grad school
3. volunteer somewhere with teen mothers
4. volunteer with a church high school group
5. minimize my closet to 100 items or less (yes this is a real problem for me)
6. If I can't pronounce it, don't eat it
7. craft once a month
8. say thank you to every soldier in uniform that I encounter (that may sound corny, but I never have the courage to do so because I almost cry every time and I get too embarrassed)
9. Cut out soda completely ( I am a caffeine free diet coke freak)
10. Read God's word and have a quiet time daily.
Thank you for reading. This was a long one- but don't think it will be the last long one anytime soon! God is on the move.
New Years.... I'm going to jump right in.
What is that for you!? Is God giving you a new vision? Calling you to scary and trying places? Opening your eyes to the broken and alone? Pushing you to try new things, meet new people, or step out in new ways with your faith? I certainly hope so.
Here is what is on my heart for you, whoever is reading this- it's for a reason (whether I know you or not- God will use it I pray): He is so big and so good and He wants to bring you into a new joy that you've yet to know. Take the leap with Him. Trust your convictions. Speak in love without hesitation, it is always worth it. Say sorry. Just LOVE those you encounter in whatever way that works. Okay!?
As for me, I am eager for what God is going to do this year. In a new place. A new job. A new marriage. A new everything. Is that scary? Yes. Is it sometimes overwhelming? Of course. Do I often second guess our decision? You bet. However, is God distant from me (us) in this time? Never. He is so present. He is the comforter.
A good friend reminded me (after some discussion and reflection since moving) about the Israelites in the desert and how many times they looked back in longing to Egypt, to their imprisonment, and asked God to take them back there. BACK TO ALL THAT ENSLAVED THEM! The fear of what was ahead. The fear of truly trusting the God who answered their cry to get them out of Egypt. It is scary to trust God when our human eyes and hearts cannot see what lies ahead. It is scary to rely on God to make the way, thinking we can do it better. It is easier to look back, and see comfort and ease, and seek that. But to do so, is to miss the promise land. To do so, is to turn from the call God put on my heart that brought me (us) out to Washington in the first place. To do so is to ignore the dreams he gave me of those I am teaching right now. And so I will run. I will run towards what it is he has for us. I will run ahead and focus my eyes on the Lord and His perfect plan- replacing distractions with prayer and study. That is my goal. Here are a few ways I intend on doing so this next year, month, day, hour, minute, second!
1. Unplug. Over and over God has been calling me to unplug myself from so many distractions. Convicting me to turn my eyes from status updates and photos of other peoples lives, and focus on living the life He wants for me. He convicts us all in different things, and you may think that is not very big, but for me, it is a time sucker that takes away from better things. My friend Alex wrote a great post on what he calls, "technology idolatry" and it hit me. God had been convicting me for a while that I need to put His word and worship before signing in to facebook, twitter, blogs, or tv. Read his blog if you'd like to read what he wrote HERE. I don't know for how long, and I am not going to set numbers to any of these goals, I trust God will let me know when I am ready.
2. Serve. Jesus came and he served. He served all those he encountered. He served the loved, the poor, the lonely, the hated, the broken, the mean spirited, the doubters, and his own family. My goal is to live this year (and all those after) as a reflection of Him, the servant. Working to live a life less focused on my immediate "needs" and as an outpour of God's love to the needs of others. How? It can be anything really. What does it seem like the lady crying on the bus stop needs? A hug? A hot meal? A kind smile? I'm not sure- I probably won't know- but I know that if I earnestly seek God and ask Jesus to give me the spirit to teach me daily, He will provide just that. "He must become greater; I must become less." - John 3:30 I posted last week from a blog Kisses for Katie, on living life "bent low" and that is my second goal. If only you could see the tears I cried as I read her post and felt the joy that God wants to bless me with as I seek Him, and serve Him, bent low. Loving others and showing them the love of Jesus. There is something overwhelming about reading the words from a stranger across the world, that reflect the longings of your heart. Incredible. Go HERE to read that post again- but please don't stop there, read on and on.
3. To love myself. Now this may sound conflicting with the previous goal. But I do not think I can do the other without loving who God made me to be. Trusting that the lessons, failures, successes, and convictions He has given me are exactly what He wants them to be. Learning to trust that I am His precious, cherished one. That means believing that I am strong enough to do what He has called me to. That means shutting out self doubt, image, materialism and adding courage that is founded in the word. It means creating a healthy lifestyle to take care of the temple that is my body. It means putting aside things that will ultimately leave me empty; gadgets, jewels, junk, that will rust and fade in time and focusing on the truth that brings freedom and joy. By loving who God has made me to be (and made you to be) I will be a better agent of the gospel. As I learn to better love myself, I can certainly hope that God will show me how to better love my neighbor. Which is what He wants from me above all else. To love those all around me, my neighbor, as myself.
I don't like to starve, so God help me find ways to feed the hungry.
I don't like to be cold, so God help me find ways to bring warmth.
I don't like to feel alone, so God help me bring comfort.
I don't like to hurt, so God help me bring your healing.
I don't like to be without you, so God help me bring your word to those in longing.
I can feel it in my core that God is going to use me (as He has before) in new ways. Calling me to obedience. Calling me to feed off His word daily. Calling me to be satisfied in Him. Pray for me along the way. Pray fro Kevin too- as he puts up with my new ideas and wild journey. Pray that we have a shared vision of this new life we are building up here. Thank you for sharing in this journey with me. As for the little resolutions I have... here are a few....
1. Run a half marathon/be in good overall health
2. Begin and finish applications for grad school
3. volunteer somewhere with teen mothers
4. volunteer with a church high school group
5. minimize my closet to 100 items or less (yes this is a real problem for me)
6. If I can't pronounce it, don't eat it
7. craft once a month
8. say thank you to every soldier in uniform that I encounter (that may sound corny, but I never have the courage to do so because I almost cry every time and I get too embarrassed)
9. Cut out soda completely ( I am a caffeine free diet coke freak)
10. Read God's word and have a quiet time daily.
Thank you for reading. This was a long one- but don't think it will be the last long one anytime soon! God is on the move.
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