My silence here has none been due to "writer's block" or "not knowing what to say"...
It's because I have TOO MUCH to say.
So much has happened in these last 6 months of being home. Yesterday makes it 6 months.
It doens't feel real, but it does.
It doesn't feel like home, but it is.
It doesn't feel bad, but it hurts.
It isn't lonely, but it is.
The list.goes.on.
Here I am stuck within the new reality of our lives, still feeling like I am spinning. This new reality that we are no longer in Seattle, no longer on that road. No longer taking on a new town. No longer "just the two of us". We are back to the familiar, the circus of LA. Back to the feeling of never ending events. Back to the blessing of business, of friends and family, of celebrations, of football games and weddings and birthdays and church celebrations and on and on the blessings go.
But can I tell you something friends?
It doens't feel like blessings.
It feels like I want to stomp my feet and pound my fists and scream to everyone that I am dissatisfied. I want to take my yucky attitude and spread it all around. I want to shout my ungratefulness from the mountain tops.
But the good thing is, God won't let me. Thankfully.
How stubborn and rotten my heart is. How selfish and childish and unrelenting.
If you think I am being harsh, I wish you could see the depth of my pettiness right now.
Friends, my heart is sad. (I don't feel good writing it but it's true).
I find that I am grieving so many things that I just have a bad attitude. worse than bad. Thankfully God works in spite of us. Thankfully he knows our emotional games. He knows all of our plays. This isn't cat and mouse. Not with Him.
I want so bad to just sit in my mess and cry-no-sulk-no-hit things-no-pout. I can go on and on. I'm unhappy that my "plans" changed. That my mother in law is sick. That my bubble has been burst and I am forced to see the world, to see life so differently. I am sad because I live in the questions of what ifs. I am sad because I my little world I built up in my head isn't my reality. I am sad because I didn't get what I wanted how I want it. And man I am just being a brat about it.
That is the honest truth. The best thing about truth is, God's truth reveals that my truth isn't really truth to begin with! Say what?
My truth is my perception of my scenario and my refusal to see God's workmanship in my life.
This "truth" of my situation is not truth. It's a slide of a clip of a part of a movie that is so much bigger. I am thankful for that. He has so much more going on than the pitty party I keep playing myself. He keeps showering me with joys, whether I want them or not. With friendship, with family, with jobs, with bible studies, with outreach, with volunteer ministry, with opportunities, with kind words, with sunshine, with food and water and shelter. The good news is NOTHING can rain on God's parade. Not my selfishness, not my foolishness, not my anger, not my hurts, not my anything.
So while I have sat and sat and sat some more in this silence, having so much to say, so much to write, so much to feel, he has filled that with Himself. He is here. He is present. He has greater things for me. He wipes my tears and filth and prunes the rotten fruit from my tree, and he nudges me to keep on moving. Keep pulling apples off the tree and giving them to others. Keeps asking me to be a blessing. Keeps asking me to give. Keeps asking me to lead. Keeps asking me to pray. Keeps asking me to be the same me that was "following my plans" there, here.
And so I will. No more silence. No more rotten fruit.
I am here. I am present. I want to be a blessing. That is the only way out of this silence.
Pray with me friends. What is God pushing you through today? This week? This month? This year? I'd love to hear it. I love you, God loves you, and you are so special. Please know it? Thanks.
Showing posts with label God. Show all posts
Showing posts with label God. Show all posts
Tuesday, October 9, 2012
Sunday, March 4, 2012
Sunday Summary
So I'm thinking, depending on whether or not people will like this.... that just like I am trying to do a "Worship Wednesday" that maybe I will do a "Sunday Sermon Summary" or something less cheesy and painful to write. An easy way to track and share what I am learning during the week/at church with ya'll. Maybe I will, maybe I won't but for today- I will. It seemed important.
Today Kevin and I decided we were going to go to church in the evening because he had some stuff he wanted to do that cut too close to when we usually go to church [a glorious 10:45 service]. And since we have been wanting to start looking for a church to go to [besides John Knox where I work- which we do like, but it a bit more focused on young families or older] that we can get more connected with, so we figured that would happen tonight.
The morning started off well, I got to sleep in which was glorious since I have been battling a NASTY head cold [I have literally gone through an entire box of tissues myself this week]. I met up with my Aunt and two cousins at the also glorious 50 acre dog park not too far away for some fun. [I've become one of them. I've become a dog person.] Came home, relaxed, and stumbled upon a blog post about "Counting the hours" that a friend posted about. I wanted to check it out, and although it turned out to be a post about the very real and daunting task of motherhood, it was a really important message about how God can and wants to meet us exactly where we are at, and provide exactly what we need. It may not be what we think is enough, it may not be how or when we want, but it will always be enough. HE is enough for us.
So as we went on our first "church hunt" [even though the term annoys me], I was wondering what God was going to teach me about today. There were many things that were distracting us before the sermon even started, and I knew the enemy wanted all these little things to bother us and keep us from hearing the message. Kevin and I have a little bit of opposite taste in what we personally look for in a church. Kevin is entirely anti mega-church and tends to feel most comfortable in a traditional Presbyterian church, while I am more open to large churches with different worship styles or what not as long as there is strong Biblical teaching and theology. Immediately we felt a little out of place, since it was filled with entirely too many hipsters [or SPU students] and lots of trendy stuff [which makes Kevin want to leave/crack 1000 jokes], so we were not sure what we were in for. However, it was recommended by our friend who said it could be a good fit for both of us so we wanted to really give it a shot. And then they told us the pastor wouldn't be there, and we would be watching the recording from earlier since he had flew in really late the night before. We looked at each other, and I think both were thinking "this is going to be so lame, and this isn't a good fit anyways, so lets just go"- but we didn't. And I am so glad.
To keep it to the point [since I've already written so much without getting anywhere!] the sermon was on Psalm 107- in the desert- and the point the Psalmist was trying to get across: Bad things happen and is God still good even when this happens? The obvious answer to believers is "Yes, of course!" But he wanted us to think about why? And what the Psalmist was trying to point out, through the various happenings within the Psalm [please go read it] was that God is good, even when bad things happen, because although he can fix any and all bad things that come our way in life, because they will for various reasons, he listed three [1. we live in a fallen world so bad things happen 2. we act out our and turn from God choosing our own ways 3. other peoples do bad things against us intentionally] and even though he may not fix everything that is not the point, the point is that His goal is to fix us. Fix our hearts to turn and cry out to Him instead of trying to do it all on our own.
"Life" is going to happen, guaranteed, but the Psalmist encourages us, in whatever of the three reasons, to TURN TO GOD and CRY OUT TO HIM because HE is ENOUGH. He is good, and he wants to change our hearts into new people. He cares most about the quality and state of our hearts than our immediate comfort. Will he provide what we need? Yes. He says even the birds of the air have enough, so why do we worry?! Will it be how much we think we may need? Probably not. But the more we are in relationship with Him, the Living Water, the Bread of Life, we will have enough.
He is enough.
I needed that reminder today. Do you? God wants relationship with us. He wants us to seek Him above all else. He wants to change our hearts and mold us closer to His image. Isn't that amazing? So please know, whether you are a mother who doesn't get enough sleep, or a father who doesn't get enough recognition for your work, or a teenager who feels misunderstood, or a single man or woman who feels alone, or anyone who feels like what they have is not enough, you are right. On our own we do not. We cannot do it alone. But God, He loves you. He wants to provide for you. Seek Him. Read the Bible. Pray to Him and ask Him for new strength, new joy, new words, new meaning and see how you grow and change, and simply, have ENOUGH to get through today.
Today Kevin and I decided we were going to go to church in the evening because he had some stuff he wanted to do that cut too close to when we usually go to church [a glorious 10:45 service]. And since we have been wanting to start looking for a church to go to [besides John Knox where I work- which we do like, but it a bit more focused on young families or older] that we can get more connected with, so we figured that would happen tonight.
The morning started off well, I got to sleep in which was glorious since I have been battling a NASTY head cold [I have literally gone through an entire box of tissues myself this week]. I met up with my Aunt and two cousins at the also glorious 50 acre dog park not too far away for some fun. [I've become one of them. I've become a dog person.] Came home, relaxed, and stumbled upon a blog post about "Counting the hours" that a friend posted about. I wanted to check it out, and although it turned out to be a post about the very real and daunting task of motherhood, it was a really important message about how God can and wants to meet us exactly where we are at, and provide exactly what we need. It may not be what we think is enough, it may not be how or when we want, but it will always be enough. HE is enough for us.
So as we went on our first "church hunt" [even though the term annoys me], I was wondering what God was going to teach me about today. There were many things that were distracting us before the sermon even started, and I knew the enemy wanted all these little things to bother us and keep us from hearing the message. Kevin and I have a little bit of opposite taste in what we personally look for in a church. Kevin is entirely anti mega-church and tends to feel most comfortable in a traditional Presbyterian church, while I am more open to large churches with different worship styles or what not as long as there is strong Biblical teaching and theology. Immediately we felt a little out of place, since it was filled with entirely too many hipsters [or SPU students] and lots of trendy stuff [which makes Kevin want to leave/crack 1000 jokes], so we were not sure what we were in for. However, it was recommended by our friend who said it could be a good fit for both of us so we wanted to really give it a shot. And then they told us the pastor wouldn't be there, and we would be watching the recording from earlier since he had flew in really late the night before. We looked at each other, and I think both were thinking "this is going to be so lame, and this isn't a good fit anyways, so lets just go"- but we didn't. And I am so glad.
To keep it to the point [since I've already written so much without getting anywhere!] the sermon was on Psalm 107- in the desert- and the point the Psalmist was trying to get across: Bad things happen and is God still good even when this happens? The obvious answer to believers is "Yes, of course!" But he wanted us to think about why? And what the Psalmist was trying to point out, through the various happenings within the Psalm [please go read it] was that God is good, even when bad things happen, because although he can fix any and all bad things that come our way in life, because they will for various reasons, he listed three [1. we live in a fallen world so bad things happen 2. we act out our and turn from God choosing our own ways 3. other peoples do bad things against us intentionally] and even though he may not fix everything that is not the point, the point is that His goal is to fix us. Fix our hearts to turn and cry out to Him instead of trying to do it all on our own.
"Life" is going to happen, guaranteed, but the Psalmist encourages us, in whatever of the three reasons, to TURN TO GOD and CRY OUT TO HIM because HE is ENOUGH. He is good, and he wants to change our hearts into new people. He cares most about the quality and state of our hearts than our immediate comfort. Will he provide what we need? Yes. He says even the birds of the air have enough, so why do we worry?! Will it be how much we think we may need? Probably not. But the more we are in relationship with Him, the Living Water, the Bread of Life, we will have enough.
He is enough.
I needed that reminder today. Do you? God wants relationship with us. He wants us to seek Him above all else. He wants to change our hearts and mold us closer to His image. Isn't that amazing? So please know, whether you are a mother who doesn't get enough sleep, or a father who doesn't get enough recognition for your work, or a teenager who feels misunderstood, or a single man or woman who feels alone, or anyone who feels like what they have is not enough, you are right. On our own we do not. We cannot do it alone. But God, He loves you. He wants to provide for you. Seek Him. Read the Bible. Pray to Him and ask Him for new strength, new joy, new words, new meaning and see how you grow and change, and simply, have ENOUGH to get through today.
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Worship Wednesday: Poetry & Song
[Beautiful. inspiring. encouraging. honest. truth. Written by my best friend. Read and enjoy.]
There was a day when worry would bring fears to me at night.
I would toss and turn and wonder
“Is what I’m doing right?”
Faced with the decisions and details of the day,
I would wait
I would wonder
I would hold my breath and pray…
But no longer will I worry that somehow I’ll let Him down
That I’ll choose the wrong direction
That I’ll somehow get me lost
That I’m failing
That I’m falling
That I can’t afford the cost
I’ve been freed from that prison
And I will not step back in
The details do not matter
As long as I’m with Him
When the question comes around again
As I know it’s bound to do,
“Where, Lord, should I go?”
And “What, Lord, shall I do?”
I hope my heart remembers
I hope my mind will know
I SERVE THE LORD WITH EVERY STEP
That is where I go.
I will never live for nothing
I will never be alone
The doors I close, I won’t regret
The ones I choose will be my own
When I step in a direction
I will find a victory
Every corner that I turn, an adventure there for me
My life will not be nothing
Won’t be small
Won’t be trite
I will live for something
Lord of GLORY; Lord of might!
My life is not my own now
It is yours
You breathe in me
I’ll let Jesus be ambitious
He will find the victory!!
Left alone, I might have squandered
Might mismanage or delay
But I am not in charge now
The Lord now has the say
He will not be conquered
He will not be made a fool
The Lord my God is Yahweh!!
My life is just the tool.
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
Worship Wednesday
So from now on, I am going to do my best to post a few videos of worship songs that I love or that God is speaking to me through on Wednesdays. I hope to encourage you as you surf the web into Pinterest bliss... Or whatever you have to accomplish online. I hope that God will use this music to minister to you. To reach you mid week and remind you that He loves you. To remind you that He desires your praise. To remind you that He is a good God. A gracious and loving God who longs to be close to our hearts. So I pray that it will refresh you. Enjoy.
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
"Life's Calling"
My good friend recently wrote about our understanding of our "calling" in life. I like what she had to say.
Too often I get lost. We all get lost- on what God is calling us to do, as if it starts and ends with one action- one career- one dream. We miss the mark when we see His world with such tunnel vision. Here is what she has to say.
"Since working as a nurse, I've wrestled with my understanding of life calling. I believe God calls us to work in places where our strengths and passions meet His needs in the world. Work, for every person, can be used for God's kingdom. I'm not sure that is as simplistic as I imagined in college. Work does not define me nor will it sustain me. Work cannot measure my worth. Work cannot fulfill me. Only God can do this. My successes and failures at work do not validate or invalidate my ministry. When I say ministry, I'm referring to the way in which God asks me to act in the world, to experience His love and transformation, and in thanks be missional, expressing His love to others and taking His Church to the world. When I look at my career to be affirming and rewarding, not only am I disappointed, but I become bitter and ungrateful. This has been my struggle. Learning to rest in God, seeking his love and affirmation."
Such a good reminder. Our ONLY fulfillment can be found in God. Praise Him for that.
Sunday, January 29, 2012
So I'm on a journey.
Okay. So I am on this journey.
This journey that God keeps calling me to. This journey that I know is going to change my life and the way I live it dramatically. Even though I keep looking away from it, I know it is going to happen. God is calling me, convicting me, bringing things into my awareness that I cannot avoid. And I just feel it. Have you ever felt like that? That you were on the brink of change? That you were so close to something big that you got goosebumps for no reason? Well that is the place I am at.
It feels good. and it feels scary. It feels like I am acknowledging that God is asking me to give up. GIve up all that I have made valuable in my life. Give up the worth I have placed on things. stuff. ideals. dreams. He is telling me that He will bring he new dreams. better dreams. And as I state the obvious to you, it still sounds like some extreme thing. right? Wrong. God calls us throughout the entire Bible to cast our idols aside and have no other God but him.
"Colleen stop being so extreme, so dramatic, God gave us these things to enjoy!"
Enjoying something God gave you, and putting something before God (either with time, devotion to that thing, or the use of that thing to avoid God) are entirely different.
Yes. God made the earth for us to inhabit and use. But he commands us not to have idols. And boy have we turned every last thing into an idol on this earth. I know for certain I am not the only one who has. Whether we are aware of it or not- we have. We have put value, worth, time, money into the entertaining, the flashy, the new, the bigger and better, the material. The things that will rot and rust and fade into the earth. Obviously I know this is not a new thing. Since the fall we have placed value on almost everything we can instead of God alone. I know that I am not speaking words that are changing you to your core right now. These are not new thoughts. We know them. Yet we fail miserably at correcting them. Selfishly, lustfully, jealously, we fail.
I just wrote and deleted and rewrote and deleted again the list of excuses we make about why we don't do the things we are called to do, and the real reasons we arent willing to make the sacrifices and changes. I deleted them because I not only do not want to condemn others, but I dont want to condemn myself as well. That won't help. We need to channel Gods love and incredible grace as the means to change our focus and fulfill the emptiness we continue to cram other idols into (i.e. computer, tv, cars, clothes, make up, food, sex, gossip, status) into the place that only God can fill, because only God created us and knows us and made us to be with Him. Only God can change us. Condemnation of the self and others will not. Does that mean we should make excuses- NO. Does it mean that we should not repent and ask for God's forgiveness for putting worthless crap above Him- NO. We must ask. Does it mean we should wait until we FEEL we can overcome these obstacles- NO. We will never feel that way. That is the problem. We will always desire the instant gratification that those stated previously bring to us. We will always want an instant feeling or distraction that idols bring into our lives. And so presents our great need for God's grace and healing touch. Only He can change us. Fulfill us. Make us new.
You can buy new clothes, drive a new car, live in a bigger and better house, you can even become a different person with all the surgeries in the world for your external body. But you will remain the same inside. Only God can change who we are internally. Only God can empower us to take those steps. And I trust that He will. I pray that He will. I need Him too. You need Him to. He has so much more for our lives than what we think life is about.
So why am I saying all of this? I'm not sure. God put it on my heart to write about. And so I will. I hope you read it as an encouraging challenge and not annoying. My intention is to write about things that I have struggled with, and if I do, I am certain there is at least one, and probably many more that struggle with similar things (since we see it throughout the Bible and our history). So please hear my heart. I can only trust that God will use my words to encourage someone, somewhere. To make you think. To make me think. To help me grow.
Here are the scriptures that God has placed in front of me, addressing some of these issues I have been working on.
Matthew 23: 25-28
" Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You clean the outside of the cup and dish, but inside they are full of greed and self-indulgence. Blind Pharisee! First clean the inside of the cup and dish, and then the outside also will be clean. We to you teachers of the law and Pharisees. You are like whitewashed tombs, which look beautiful on the outside but on the inside are full of dead men's bones and everything unclean. In the same way, on the outside you appear to people as righteous, but on the inside you are full of hypocrisy and wickedness."
Matthew 6:2-4, 19-24
" Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.
The eye is the lamp of the body. If your eyes are good, your whole body will be full of light. But if your eyes are bad, your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light within you is darkness, how great is that darkness.
No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and Money."
" So when you give to the needy, do not announce it with trumpets, as the hypocrits do in the synagogues and on the streets, to be honored by men. I tell you the truth they have received their reward in full. But when you give to they needy, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, so that your giving may be in secret. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.
Luke 12: 32-34 (Read Luke 12 in its entirety to get a better glimpse of the story)
"Do not be afraid, little flock, for your Father has been please to give you the kingdom. Sell your possessions and give to the poor. Provide purses for yourselves that will not wear out, a treasure in heaven that will not be exhausted, where no thief comes near and no moth destroys. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."
He is calling me over and over to make this change. To get to my basics. To sell those things that are excess and that I have put too much worth in. So I am writing it here- so you will see and hold me accountable. I am going to create an account to sell some stuff and the money I have made, I am going to donate it to a few places. I will let you know what the next step is. I am also going to plan a six month devotional through the Bible. I will post on how I am doing it so if you want to join me, you can! Please pray for me in this situation. I have much more to write on this topic. Thank you friends.
This journey that God keeps calling me to. This journey that I know is going to change my life and the way I live it dramatically. Even though I keep looking away from it, I know it is going to happen. God is calling me, convicting me, bringing things into my awareness that I cannot avoid. And I just feel it. Have you ever felt like that? That you were on the brink of change? That you were so close to something big that you got goosebumps for no reason? Well that is the place I am at.
It feels good. and it feels scary. It feels like I am acknowledging that God is asking me to give up. GIve up all that I have made valuable in my life. Give up the worth I have placed on things. stuff. ideals. dreams. He is telling me that He will bring he new dreams. better dreams. And as I state the obvious to you, it still sounds like some extreme thing. right? Wrong. God calls us throughout the entire Bible to cast our idols aside and have no other God but him.
"Colleen stop being so extreme, so dramatic, God gave us these things to enjoy!"
Enjoying something God gave you, and putting something before God (either with time, devotion to that thing, or the use of that thing to avoid God) are entirely different.
Yes. God made the earth for us to inhabit and use. But he commands us not to have idols. And boy have we turned every last thing into an idol on this earth. I know for certain I am not the only one who has. Whether we are aware of it or not- we have. We have put value, worth, time, money into the entertaining, the flashy, the new, the bigger and better, the material. The things that will rot and rust and fade into the earth. Obviously I know this is not a new thing. Since the fall we have placed value on almost everything we can instead of God alone. I know that I am not speaking words that are changing you to your core right now. These are not new thoughts. We know them. Yet we fail miserably at correcting them. Selfishly, lustfully, jealously, we fail.
I just wrote and deleted and rewrote and deleted again the list of excuses we make about why we don't do the things we are called to do, and the real reasons we arent willing to make the sacrifices and changes. I deleted them because I not only do not want to condemn others, but I dont want to condemn myself as well. That won't help. We need to channel Gods love and incredible grace as the means to change our focus and fulfill the emptiness we continue to cram other idols into (i.e. computer, tv, cars, clothes, make up, food, sex, gossip, status) into the place that only God can fill, because only God created us and knows us and made us to be with Him. Only God can change us. Condemnation of the self and others will not. Does that mean we should make excuses- NO. Does it mean that we should not repent and ask for God's forgiveness for putting worthless crap above Him- NO. We must ask. Does it mean we should wait until we FEEL we can overcome these obstacles- NO. We will never feel that way. That is the problem. We will always desire the instant gratification that those stated previously bring to us. We will always want an instant feeling or distraction that idols bring into our lives. And so presents our great need for God's grace and healing touch. Only He can change us. Fulfill us. Make us new.
You can buy new clothes, drive a new car, live in a bigger and better house, you can even become a different person with all the surgeries in the world for your external body. But you will remain the same inside. Only God can change who we are internally. Only God can empower us to take those steps. And I trust that He will. I pray that He will. I need Him too. You need Him to. He has so much more for our lives than what we think life is about.
So why am I saying all of this? I'm not sure. God put it on my heart to write about. And so I will. I hope you read it as an encouraging challenge and not annoying. My intention is to write about things that I have struggled with, and if I do, I am certain there is at least one, and probably many more that struggle with similar things (since we see it throughout the Bible and our history). So please hear my heart. I can only trust that God will use my words to encourage someone, somewhere. To make you think. To make me think. To help me grow.
Here are the scriptures that God has placed in front of me, addressing some of these issues I have been working on.
Matthew 23: 25-28
" Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You clean the outside of the cup and dish, but inside they are full of greed and self-indulgence. Blind Pharisee! First clean the inside of the cup and dish, and then the outside also will be clean. We to you teachers of the law and Pharisees. You are like whitewashed tombs, which look beautiful on the outside but on the inside are full of dead men's bones and everything unclean. In the same way, on the outside you appear to people as righteous, but on the inside you are full of hypocrisy and wickedness."
Matthew 6:2-4, 19-24
" Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.
The eye is the lamp of the body. If your eyes are good, your whole body will be full of light. But if your eyes are bad, your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light within you is darkness, how great is that darkness.
No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and Money."
" So when you give to the needy, do not announce it with trumpets, as the hypocrits do in the synagogues and on the streets, to be honored by men. I tell you the truth they have received their reward in full. But when you give to they needy, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, so that your giving may be in secret. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.
Luke 12: 32-34 (Read Luke 12 in its entirety to get a better glimpse of the story)
"Do not be afraid, little flock, for your Father has been please to give you the kingdom. Sell your possessions and give to the poor. Provide purses for yourselves that will not wear out, a treasure in heaven that will not be exhausted, where no thief comes near and no moth destroys. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."
He is calling me over and over to make this change. To get to my basics. To sell those things that are excess and that I have put too much worth in. So I am writing it here- so you will see and hold me accountable. I am going to create an account to sell some stuff and the money I have made, I am going to donate it to a few places. I will let you know what the next step is. I am also going to plan a six month devotional through the Bible. I will post on how I am doing it so if you want to join me, you can! Please pray for me in this situation. I have much more to write on this topic. Thank you friends.
Monday, January 9, 2012
God's Answer
For the past few weeks I have been working on discerning what God wants for the next few steps of our journey in Washington to be. We believe we are weeks away from moving into an apartment, and hopeful for potential second job opportunities for me (as my pre school job is only part time). Deciding who/what/when/where/how have been the hardest part for us. God has been so present in our time here together, but also saying, wait. wait. wait more. be hopeful. be patient. trust me. trust me. trust me more. So here I am. Waiting, afraid to hope, and searching myself for trust. Trust I know God deserves, my life is an account of His faithfulness.
Our frequent prayer is that we would be faithful, hopeful, and patient. That we would seek what God has for us, and be open to responding. We know God has brought us here for a purpose. A beautiful purpose. And slowly, He is revealing parts of that promise to me. Little glimpses of a lesson He undeniably wants to be engrained in my core. And this is where the title of the blog is from. Love. The greatest of these things he wants to teach me (and all people) is HOW to love others, HIS WAY.
In all these special, little ways, He is whispering to me, "Love my precious children. Pay attention to what he/she is asking you for. For gentleness, for patience, for instruction, for a soft voice, for a glance, for a smile, for YOU Colleen." God is calling me to love others in ways that stretch me. As thin as the pages of His word. "Will you love them when you don't want to? WIll you love them when they test your every word? Will you love them when they are sick? Will you love them when they are screaming, flailing, sobbing for anyone but you? WIll you love them, like I love YOU?" He asks. Prove it. He urges. "Show me that I can count on you, Colleen." He calls. "Show me that you understand what I am asking you to do, that you are faithful." He says.
And isn't that what the Scriptures are all about anyways (in a ridiculously simplified kind of way)? A twofold story about God's love for us, and His command to love others the same way. To love others above ourselves. The same way He set His son before the cross. To love others who appear unlovable. The sinner. The ugly. The sick. The undeserving. The enemy. The unfaithful one. The runaway. The addict. The needy. The liar. The orphan. The widow. The dying. The angry one. The abusive. The lonely. The neighbor. There is no person on this earth that is not worth loving he calls. There is no person on this earth more important than the one who is next to you, or in front of you, or behind you. They are His precious one. He made them. He has a purpose for them. They are made in His image, I am made in His image. The God of all creation. No words.
So as I hold and rock a crying child, I praise Jesus. Because He put me here at this moment to hold him and comfort him, a little boy who wanted to be held instead of playing. As I sing Jesus loves me for the 5th time that morning due to popular demand, I thank God. Because He led me here to tell my 39 PRECIOUS two year olds that Jesus is in their heart, and they want to hear it over, and over, and over again. He led me here for a great moment this morning, when one of my sweet little girls looked up and said, "Teacher Cawneeeee, Jesus is in my heart" with a smile that resonated through her body. He led me here for that. Praise Him. Tears in my eyes praise Him.
He led me here for 39 noses to wipe. He led me here for clean up time. He led me here for finger paints, and blocks, and mumbled words, and spontaneous kisses on the cheek, and story time, and watching eyes who respond entirely better to a gentle voice, a whisper in their ear, a soothing hug, an eye level smile, a watch teacher squish paint in between her fingers so I won't be afraid, for 39 helpers who shout "I did it" when they put toys in the right place, or go down the slide, or color on the paper and not the table, chair, child sitting next to them, or their own teeth. Magic. He led me here to show me the many wonders that come from seeing life through the eyes of 39 precious, honestly precious little children. And I am renewed each day from the overflow of love I have for them.
He gives me a glimpse and says, "This, this is how I want you to see my children. This, this is how I want you to love all those you encounter. This, this is the attitude I want you to have. A spirit of gentleness Colleen. Clothed in patience Colleen. Covered in joyfulness. Overwhelmed with an attitude of servanthood. Serve my people as you serve these children. In word. In deed. In spirit. "
So as I sat tonight thinking of what Scripture I wanted to read, I decided to do Kevin and my devotion for the day (since he is working until 3am...) by myself. The passage for today was Romans 12:9 &15. I read it. I don't like the wording. Sounds like it came from the Message. (Not sipping haterade here, I just don't like the simplified wording here!) So I go to open my Bible. Where does it fall open to thanks to a bookmark that I don't remember moving... Romans. What is the heading at this section: Marks of a True Christian. If there is one thing I have been working on this year, it is being true to my faith and open about it at every opportunity. And what do you know. Just yesterday, I got an e-mail from an old friend from High School who I have been messaging back and forth about the Bible and its truth. He has many things about religion that have made him turn away from it and so on. However, at the end of his message he said this... "I hope I do not offend you with my opinions, and thank you for being true to your faith. " I do not say this because I think I am some perfect Christian who you should be like- ad my goal for telling you is not our of proudness or anything of the like. No. I say this because God is showing me links. He is connecting the dots in front of my eyes, I just need to seek Him in all I do. Had I opened Romans yesterday, the heading would not have stuck out at all. But now, after someone telling me that, and making me think again, that even people I have not spoken to in years, see what I do or say, makes me rejoice. Makes me thankful to God that by his grace, someone noticed Him through my life.
I want my life to show, however big or small, the marks of a true Christian. How can we ever know who is a true Christian Colleen!? Well this is what God's word says.
Romans 12:9-21
9 Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good.10 Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor. 11 Do not be slothful in zeal, be fervent in spirit, serve the Lord. 12 Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer. 13 Contribute to the needs of the saints and seek to show hospitality.14 Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them. 15Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. 16 Live in harmony with one another. Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly. Never be wise in your own sight. 17 Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all.18 If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.19 Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.” 20 To the contrary, “if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.” 21 Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.
So how will I proceed out here? Well God answered that tonight, and has been showing me all along the way. Rejoicing in hope, patient in tribulation, and constant in prayer.
Our frequent prayer is that we would be faithful, hopeful, and patient. That we would seek what God has for us, and be open to responding. We know God has brought us here for a purpose. A beautiful purpose. And slowly, He is revealing parts of that promise to me. Little glimpses of a lesson He undeniably wants to be engrained in my core. And this is where the title of the blog is from. Love. The greatest of these things he wants to teach me (and all people) is HOW to love others, HIS WAY.
In all these special, little ways, He is whispering to me, "Love my precious children. Pay attention to what he/she is asking you for. For gentleness, for patience, for instruction, for a soft voice, for a glance, for a smile, for YOU Colleen." God is calling me to love others in ways that stretch me. As thin as the pages of His word. "Will you love them when you don't want to? WIll you love them when they test your every word? Will you love them when they are sick? Will you love them when they are screaming, flailing, sobbing for anyone but you? WIll you love them, like I love YOU?" He asks. Prove it. He urges. "Show me that I can count on you, Colleen." He calls. "Show me that you understand what I am asking you to do, that you are faithful." He says.
And isn't that what the Scriptures are all about anyways (in a ridiculously simplified kind of way)? A twofold story about God's love for us, and His command to love others the same way. To love others above ourselves. The same way He set His son before the cross. To love others who appear unlovable. The sinner. The ugly. The sick. The undeserving. The enemy. The unfaithful one. The runaway. The addict. The needy. The liar. The orphan. The widow. The dying. The angry one. The abusive. The lonely. The neighbor. There is no person on this earth that is not worth loving he calls. There is no person on this earth more important than the one who is next to you, or in front of you, or behind you. They are His precious one. He made them. He has a purpose for them. They are made in His image, I am made in His image. The God of all creation. No words.
So as I hold and rock a crying child, I praise Jesus. Because He put me here at this moment to hold him and comfort him, a little boy who wanted to be held instead of playing. As I sing Jesus loves me for the 5th time that morning due to popular demand, I thank God. Because He led me here to tell my 39 PRECIOUS two year olds that Jesus is in their heart, and they want to hear it over, and over, and over again. He led me here for a great moment this morning, when one of my sweet little girls looked up and said, "Teacher Cawneeeee, Jesus is in my heart" with a smile that resonated through her body. He led me here for that. Praise Him. Tears in my eyes praise Him.
He led me here for 39 noses to wipe. He led me here for clean up time. He led me here for finger paints, and blocks, and mumbled words, and spontaneous kisses on the cheek, and story time, and watching eyes who respond entirely better to a gentle voice, a whisper in their ear, a soothing hug, an eye level smile, a watch teacher squish paint in between her fingers so I won't be afraid, for 39 helpers who shout "I did it" when they put toys in the right place, or go down the slide, or color on the paper and not the table, chair, child sitting next to them, or their own teeth. Magic. He led me here to show me the many wonders that come from seeing life through the eyes of 39 precious, honestly precious little children. And I am renewed each day from the overflow of love I have for them.
He gives me a glimpse and says, "This, this is how I want you to see my children. This, this is how I want you to love all those you encounter. This, this is the attitude I want you to have. A spirit of gentleness Colleen. Clothed in patience Colleen. Covered in joyfulness. Overwhelmed with an attitude of servanthood. Serve my people as you serve these children. In word. In deed. In spirit. "
So as I sat tonight thinking of what Scripture I wanted to read, I decided to do Kevin and my devotion for the day (since he is working until 3am...) by myself. The passage for today was Romans 12:9 &15. I read it. I don't like the wording. Sounds like it came from the Message. (Not sipping haterade here, I just don't like the simplified wording here!) So I go to open my Bible. Where does it fall open to thanks to a bookmark that I don't remember moving... Romans. What is the heading at this section: Marks of a True Christian. If there is one thing I have been working on this year, it is being true to my faith and open about it at every opportunity. And what do you know. Just yesterday, I got an e-mail from an old friend from High School who I have been messaging back and forth about the Bible and its truth. He has many things about religion that have made him turn away from it and so on. However, at the end of his message he said this... "I hope I do not offend you with my opinions, and thank you for being true to your faith. " I do not say this because I think I am some perfect Christian who you should be like- ad my goal for telling you is not our of proudness or anything of the like. No. I say this because God is showing me links. He is connecting the dots in front of my eyes, I just need to seek Him in all I do. Had I opened Romans yesterday, the heading would not have stuck out at all. But now, after someone telling me that, and making me think again, that even people I have not spoken to in years, see what I do or say, makes me rejoice. Makes me thankful to God that by his grace, someone noticed Him through my life.
I want my life to show, however big or small, the marks of a true Christian. How can we ever know who is a true Christian Colleen!? Well this is what God's word says.
Romans 12:9-21
9 Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good.10 Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor. 11 Do not be slothful in zeal, be fervent in spirit, serve the Lord. 12 Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer. 13 Contribute to the needs of the saints and seek to show hospitality.14 Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them. 15Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. 16 Live in harmony with one another. Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly. Never be wise in your own sight. 17 Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all.18 If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.19 Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.” 20 To the contrary, “if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.” 21 Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.
So how will I proceed out here? Well God answered that tonight, and has been showing me all along the way. Rejoicing in hope, patient in tribulation, and constant in prayer.
Monday, January 2, 2012
2012
Hi friends! (Picture me waving and smiling to you)
New Years.... I'm going to jump right in.
What is that for you!? Is God giving you a new vision? Calling you to scary and trying places? Opening your eyes to the broken and alone? Pushing you to try new things, meet new people, or step out in new ways with your faith? I certainly hope so.
Here is what is on my heart for you, whoever is reading this- it's for a reason (whether I know you or not- God will use it I pray): He is so big and so good and He wants to bring you into a new joy that you've yet to know. Take the leap with Him. Trust your convictions. Speak in love without hesitation, it is always worth it. Say sorry. Just LOVE those you encounter in whatever way that works. Okay!?
As for me, I am eager for what God is going to do this year. In a new place. A new job. A new marriage. A new everything. Is that scary? Yes. Is it sometimes overwhelming? Of course. Do I often second guess our decision? You bet. However, is God distant from me (us) in this time? Never. He is so present. He is the comforter.
A good friend reminded me (after some discussion and reflection since moving) about the Israelites in the desert and how many times they looked back in longing to Egypt, to their imprisonment, and asked God to take them back there. BACK TO ALL THAT ENSLAVED THEM! The fear of what was ahead. The fear of truly trusting the God who answered their cry to get them out of Egypt. It is scary to trust God when our human eyes and hearts cannot see what lies ahead. It is scary to rely on God to make the way, thinking we can do it better. It is easier to look back, and see comfort and ease, and seek that. But to do so, is to miss the promise land. To do so, is to turn from the call God put on my heart that brought me (us) out to Washington in the first place. To do so is to ignore the dreams he gave me of those I am teaching right now. And so I will run. I will run towards what it is he has for us. I will run ahead and focus my eyes on the Lord and His perfect plan- replacing distractions with prayer and study. That is my goal. Here are a few ways I intend on doing so this next year, month, day, hour, minute, second!
1. Unplug. Over and over God has been calling me to unplug myself from so many distractions. Convicting me to turn my eyes from status updates and photos of other peoples lives, and focus on living the life He wants for me. He convicts us all in different things, and you may think that is not very big, but for me, it is a time sucker that takes away from better things. My friend Alex wrote a great post on what he calls, "technology idolatry" and it hit me. God had been convicting me for a while that I need to put His word and worship before signing in to facebook, twitter, blogs, or tv. Read his blog if you'd like to read what he wrote HERE. I don't know for how long, and I am not going to set numbers to any of these goals, I trust God will let me know when I am ready.
2. Serve. Jesus came and he served. He served all those he encountered. He served the loved, the poor, the lonely, the hated, the broken, the mean spirited, the doubters, and his own family. My goal is to live this year (and all those after) as a reflection of Him, the servant. Working to live a life less focused on my immediate "needs" and as an outpour of God's love to the needs of others. How? It can be anything really. What does it seem like the lady crying on the bus stop needs? A hug? A hot meal? A kind smile? I'm not sure- I probably won't know- but I know that if I earnestly seek God and ask Jesus to give me the spirit to teach me daily, He will provide just that. "He must become greater; I must become less." - John 3:30 I posted last week from a blog Kisses for Katie, on living life "bent low" and that is my second goal. If only you could see the tears I cried as I read her post and felt the joy that God wants to bless me with as I seek Him, and serve Him, bent low. Loving others and showing them the love of Jesus. There is something overwhelming about reading the words from a stranger across the world, that reflect the longings of your heart. Incredible. Go HERE to read that post again- but please don't stop there, read on and on.
3. To love myself. Now this may sound conflicting with the previous goal. But I do not think I can do the other without loving who God made me to be. Trusting that the lessons, failures, successes, and convictions He has given me are exactly what He wants them to be. Learning to trust that I am His precious, cherished one. That means believing that I am strong enough to do what He has called me to. That means shutting out self doubt, image, materialism and adding courage that is founded in the word. It means creating a healthy lifestyle to take care of the temple that is my body. It means putting aside things that will ultimately leave me empty; gadgets, jewels, junk, that will rust and fade in time and focusing on the truth that brings freedom and joy. By loving who God has made me to be (and made you to be) I will be a better agent of the gospel. As I learn to better love myself, I can certainly hope that God will show me how to better love my neighbor. Which is what He wants from me above all else. To love those all around me, my neighbor, as myself.
I don't like to starve, so God help me find ways to feed the hungry.
I don't like to be cold, so God help me find ways to bring warmth.
I don't like to feel alone, so God help me bring comfort.
I don't like to hurt, so God help me bring your healing.
I don't like to be without you, so God help me bring your word to those in longing.
I can feel it in my core that God is going to use me (as He has before) in new ways. Calling me to obedience. Calling me to feed off His word daily. Calling me to be satisfied in Him. Pray for me along the way. Pray fro Kevin too- as he puts up with my new ideas and wild journey. Pray that we have a shared vision of this new life we are building up here. Thank you for sharing in this journey with me. As for the little resolutions I have... here are a few....
1. Run a half marathon/be in good overall health
2. Begin and finish applications for grad school
3. volunteer somewhere with teen mothers
4. volunteer with a church high school group
5. minimize my closet to 100 items or less (yes this is a real problem for me)
6. If I can't pronounce it, don't eat it
7. craft once a month
8. say thank you to every soldier in uniform that I encounter (that may sound corny, but I never have the courage to do so because I almost cry every time and I get too embarrassed)
9. Cut out soda completely ( I am a caffeine free diet coke freak)
10. Read God's word and have a quiet time daily.
Thank you for reading. This was a long one- but don't think it will be the last long one anytime soon! God is on the move.
New Years.... I'm going to jump right in.
What is that for you!? Is God giving you a new vision? Calling you to scary and trying places? Opening your eyes to the broken and alone? Pushing you to try new things, meet new people, or step out in new ways with your faith? I certainly hope so.
Here is what is on my heart for you, whoever is reading this- it's for a reason (whether I know you or not- God will use it I pray): He is so big and so good and He wants to bring you into a new joy that you've yet to know. Take the leap with Him. Trust your convictions. Speak in love without hesitation, it is always worth it. Say sorry. Just LOVE those you encounter in whatever way that works. Okay!?
As for me, I am eager for what God is going to do this year. In a new place. A new job. A new marriage. A new everything. Is that scary? Yes. Is it sometimes overwhelming? Of course. Do I often second guess our decision? You bet. However, is God distant from me (us) in this time? Never. He is so present. He is the comforter.
A good friend reminded me (after some discussion and reflection since moving) about the Israelites in the desert and how many times they looked back in longing to Egypt, to their imprisonment, and asked God to take them back there. BACK TO ALL THAT ENSLAVED THEM! The fear of what was ahead. The fear of truly trusting the God who answered their cry to get them out of Egypt. It is scary to trust God when our human eyes and hearts cannot see what lies ahead. It is scary to rely on God to make the way, thinking we can do it better. It is easier to look back, and see comfort and ease, and seek that. But to do so, is to miss the promise land. To do so, is to turn from the call God put on my heart that brought me (us) out to Washington in the first place. To do so is to ignore the dreams he gave me of those I am teaching right now. And so I will run. I will run towards what it is he has for us. I will run ahead and focus my eyes on the Lord and His perfect plan- replacing distractions with prayer and study. That is my goal. Here are a few ways I intend on doing so this next year, month, day, hour, minute, second!
1. Unplug. Over and over God has been calling me to unplug myself from so many distractions. Convicting me to turn my eyes from status updates and photos of other peoples lives, and focus on living the life He wants for me. He convicts us all in different things, and you may think that is not very big, but for me, it is a time sucker that takes away from better things. My friend Alex wrote a great post on what he calls, "technology idolatry" and it hit me. God had been convicting me for a while that I need to put His word and worship before signing in to facebook, twitter, blogs, or tv. Read his blog if you'd like to read what he wrote HERE. I don't know for how long, and I am not going to set numbers to any of these goals, I trust God will let me know when I am ready.
2. Serve. Jesus came and he served. He served all those he encountered. He served the loved, the poor, the lonely, the hated, the broken, the mean spirited, the doubters, and his own family. My goal is to live this year (and all those after) as a reflection of Him, the servant. Working to live a life less focused on my immediate "needs" and as an outpour of God's love to the needs of others. How? It can be anything really. What does it seem like the lady crying on the bus stop needs? A hug? A hot meal? A kind smile? I'm not sure- I probably won't know- but I know that if I earnestly seek God and ask Jesus to give me the spirit to teach me daily, He will provide just that. "He must become greater; I must become less." - John 3:30 I posted last week from a blog Kisses for Katie, on living life "bent low" and that is my second goal. If only you could see the tears I cried as I read her post and felt the joy that God wants to bless me with as I seek Him, and serve Him, bent low. Loving others and showing them the love of Jesus. There is something overwhelming about reading the words from a stranger across the world, that reflect the longings of your heart. Incredible. Go HERE to read that post again- but please don't stop there, read on and on.
3. To love myself. Now this may sound conflicting with the previous goal. But I do not think I can do the other without loving who God made me to be. Trusting that the lessons, failures, successes, and convictions He has given me are exactly what He wants them to be. Learning to trust that I am His precious, cherished one. That means believing that I am strong enough to do what He has called me to. That means shutting out self doubt, image, materialism and adding courage that is founded in the word. It means creating a healthy lifestyle to take care of the temple that is my body. It means putting aside things that will ultimately leave me empty; gadgets, jewels, junk, that will rust and fade in time and focusing on the truth that brings freedom and joy. By loving who God has made me to be (and made you to be) I will be a better agent of the gospel. As I learn to better love myself, I can certainly hope that God will show me how to better love my neighbor. Which is what He wants from me above all else. To love those all around me, my neighbor, as myself.
I don't like to starve, so God help me find ways to feed the hungry.
I don't like to be cold, so God help me find ways to bring warmth.
I don't like to feel alone, so God help me bring comfort.
I don't like to hurt, so God help me bring your healing.
I don't like to be without you, so God help me bring your word to those in longing.
I can feel it in my core that God is going to use me (as He has before) in new ways. Calling me to obedience. Calling me to feed off His word daily. Calling me to be satisfied in Him. Pray for me along the way. Pray fro Kevin too- as he puts up with my new ideas and wild journey. Pray that we have a shared vision of this new life we are building up here. Thank you for sharing in this journey with me. As for the little resolutions I have... here are a few....
1. Run a half marathon/be in good overall health
2. Begin and finish applications for grad school
3. volunteer somewhere with teen mothers
4. volunteer with a church high school group
5. minimize my closet to 100 items or less (yes this is a real problem for me)
6. If I can't pronounce it, don't eat it
7. craft once a month
8. say thank you to every soldier in uniform that I encounter (that may sound corny, but I never have the courage to do so because I almost cry every time and I get too embarrassed)
9. Cut out soda completely ( I am a caffeine free diet coke freak)
10. Read God's word and have a quiet time daily.
Thank you for reading. This was a long one- but don't think it will be the last long one anytime soon! God is on the move.
Saturday, November 5, 2011
The Way.
Tonight my Aunt and I went and saw the movie called "The Way". It was written and directed by Emilio Estaves ( *Check It Out Here* ). Good movie.
At so many points it got me thinking. The story is about a dad who goes on a long trek that his son had set out for, but died on day one (you learn in the first five minutes so its not a spoiler okay!- sorry!) and along the journey we get to see and meet a few interesting characters and learn their stories- or should I say very small peeks into their stories.
It made me think this exact thought throughout the movie-
Share what you have.
Thats it. Nothing huge. But this movie really got me thinking. I think about life a lot- and how short it really is in the grand scheme of things. We each have so much love and kindness and encouraging words/thoughts within us- but how often do we really tell people them? How many missed opportunities we let go by without saying them. I know we see this everywhere, "tell people you love them, it could be your last time" I understand that. I agree with it. BUT I think we need to do more. Simply saying you love someone is not enough. LIVE IT OUT. We need to love them in all we do. Word and deed. What does that look like?
Saying something honest. Saying something of meaning to someone. Comforting them even if it is hard for you. Praying for them without them having to ask. Knowing them. Listening to them more than talking about yourself. Really listening so that you know how to best love them. Forgiving them. Appreciating who they are. Thinking of them first. Love has so many ways of revealing itself. But mostly we need to do the following.
We need to live like Jesus.
This passage has been on my mind for the entire year. I cannot even begin to unravel it in my poorly written words, and maybe you wont see how it relates- but hey God gave me these words and I'm writing them so hopefully they will matter and make sense to one of you. so please. Read.
1 John 2:3-11
At so many points it got me thinking. The story is about a dad who goes on a long trek that his son had set out for, but died on day one (you learn in the first five minutes so its not a spoiler okay!- sorry!) and along the journey we get to see and meet a few interesting characters and learn their stories- or should I say very small peeks into their stories.
It made me think this exact thought throughout the movie-
Share what you have.
Thats it. Nothing huge. But this movie really got me thinking. I think about life a lot- and how short it really is in the grand scheme of things. We each have so much love and kindness and encouraging words/thoughts within us- but how often do we really tell people them? How many missed opportunities we let go by without saying them. I know we see this everywhere, "tell people you love them, it could be your last time" I understand that. I agree with it. BUT I think we need to do more. Simply saying you love someone is not enough. LIVE IT OUT. We need to love them in all we do. Word and deed. What does that look like?
Saying something honest. Saying something of meaning to someone. Comforting them even if it is hard for you. Praying for them without them having to ask. Knowing them. Listening to them more than talking about yourself. Really listening so that you know how to best love them. Forgiving them. Appreciating who they are. Thinking of them first. Love has so many ways of revealing itself. But mostly we need to do the following.
We need to live like Jesus.
This passage has been on my mind for the entire year. I cannot even begin to unravel it in my poorly written words, and maybe you wont see how it relates- but hey God gave me these words and I'm writing them so hopefully they will matter and make sense to one of you. so please. Read.
1 John 2:3-11
3 We know that we have come to know him if we keep his commands. 4 Whoever says, “I know him,” but does not do what he commands is a liar, and the truth is not in that person. 5 But if anyone obeys his word, love for God is truly made complete in them. This is how we know we are in him: 6 Whoever claims to live in him must live as Jesus did.
7 Dear friends, I am not writing you a new command but an old one, which you have had since the beginning. This old command is the message you have heard. 8 Yet I am writing you a new command; its truth is seen in him and in you, because the darkness is passing and the true light is already shining.
9 Anyone who claims to be in the light but hates a brother or sister is still in the darkness. 10 Anyone who loves their brother and sister lives in the light, and there is nothing in them to make them stumble. 11 But anyone who hates a brother or sister is in the darkness and walks around in the darkness. They do not know where they are going, because the darkness has blinded them.
So here is the point to this all. We cannot know and give and understand love the way it is meant to be carried out until we know the way God intended it. How can we know that? Through scriptures. Through Jesus' life. We need to know Jesus. I need to know Jesus. I need to know Him more than I know ANY other. I need to know because my entire life depends on it. All my relationships, friendships, family, marriage, future children, grandchildren. All those I will work with and encounter need love- and I want to be able to show it to them, no matter how slight.
So thank you- Emilio... for showing me.... the way.... hahaha okay sorry I had to add that in there. And for a cuter version of a love story- go watch Juno. Lots to learn there. The good the bad the ugly. And I am biased b/c it involves teen pregnancy and adoption all in one. Okay bye.
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
All things baby...
No- this is NOT a pregnancy announcement.
I wanted to tell you guys a little but more about why we moved up to Washington.
In simple terms- I LOVE babies. I love pregnancy, birthing stories, couples, expectant parents, families, and basically, all- things- baby.
A few months ago, I was talking to a friend of a friend, and she was telling me about her job at an elderly facility. In my head I am thinking, "I could NEVER do that!" and she tells me, "When I am serving these old people, I pray and thank God because I know I am washing the feet of Jesus."
I almost cried on the spot. What a woman. What a perspective. Inspiring.
More of Jesus, less of me. Please.
It got me thinking... what is it that I do, that I feel God made me to do, and that when I do this, I know I am serving Jesus. Immediately I knew it was with children- little children.
When I am helping families, teaching kids, swaddling babies and rocking them to sleep- I feel God smiling down on me. I know he made me to do this. Not for my own kids, but for others. My time will come, but it isn't right now. And that night I spoke to this woman, I began praying:
"Lord, help me find a way to do what you made me to do"
At the time I was considering leaving my job, and looking for a good way out. Through a series of events, I was led to a pre school where I would be teaching the "Curious Two's" class (unknowingly teaching one of my friends newly adopted son!)
So here I am (here we are) living in Washington, I am teaching such sweet, loving, and precious children, and praying about the next step. In the long run- I want to go back to school at UW for my Masters in Social Work. I think I have mentioned some interests before but here are some potential places I think God has called me to serve in - I am just going to throw them out there in no particular order! Maybe you can leave (encouraging) comments about what you could best see me doing!? Yes? Okay!
I wanted to tell you guys a little but more about why we moved up to Washington.
In simple terms- I LOVE babies. I love pregnancy, birthing stories, couples, expectant parents, families, and basically, all- things- baby.
A few months ago, I was talking to a friend of a friend, and she was telling me about her job at an elderly facility. In my head I am thinking, "I could NEVER do that!" and she tells me, "When I am serving these old people, I pray and thank God because I know I am washing the feet of Jesus."
I almost cried on the spot. What a woman. What a perspective. Inspiring.
More of Jesus, less of me. Please.
It got me thinking... what is it that I do, that I feel God made me to do, and that when I do this, I know I am serving Jesus. Immediately I knew it was with children- little children.
When I am helping families, teaching kids, swaddling babies and rocking them to sleep- I feel God smiling down on me. I know he made me to do this. Not for my own kids, but for others. My time will come, but it isn't right now. And that night I spoke to this woman, I began praying:
"Lord, help me find a way to do what you made me to do"
At the time I was considering leaving my job, and looking for a good way out. Through a series of events, I was led to a pre school where I would be teaching the "Curious Two's" class (unknowingly teaching one of my friends newly adopted son!)
So here I am (here we are) living in Washington, I am teaching such sweet, loving, and precious children, and praying about the next step. In the long run- I want to go back to school at UW for my Masters in Social Work. I think I have mentioned some interests before but here are some potential places I think God has called me to serve in - I am just going to throw them out there in no particular order! Maybe you can leave (encouraging) comments about what you could best see me doing!? Yes? Okay!
- Working with and/or counseling teen mothers
- Counseling expectant couples and/or teaching couples classes for new parents
- Working for an adoption agency serving teen mothers
- Maybe- and just maybe- some doula work with deliveries (I would love to be hands on but it would take additional certification)
- Teaching/counseling at a pregnancy clinic or hospital
Okay! Enough about me. I just wanted to share a bit of my heart with ya'll (shout out to my Texan friends who make me love saying ya'll). I know God made me to work with kids and families and thanks for coming alongside me in the journey to getting there.
For now, I am mostly a wife, a teacher, and a new Washington resident. I hope to add a few more things to that list in the next few years.
And for fun- here are a few photos of some special babies who have changed. my. entire. life.
Thursday, September 1, 2011
Not by accident.
A funny thing happened the other day. It isn't actually funny in the humorous sort of way, but funny that God always does this to me, well to everyone. But it is during times like the one I had yesterday that I notice his divine appointments in my life. So he is how it goes.
Painfully craved In N Out Burger and decided I was going to go to the one closer to the airport instead of the one closer to my house- so that I could hop on the freeway and make it to work on time. However, I went into cruise control and went to the other INO (InNOut) on accident. The line was HUGE so I went inside to order b/c that is usually faster, just less convenient for us lazy folks. I got my order to go and was going to eat in my car, b/c really who likes to eat by themselves? NO ONE. However I decided that I was going to eat outside because it was seriously so nice outside- which if you know me- I HATE eating outside. I don't know why, something about the wind blowing your hair in your food/mouth, the sun annoyingly giving me a burned nose and neck, and getting sweaty because you grow hotter by the second... ya know, just that- so it was REALLY our of the ordinary for me to do all of those four things 1) go to wrong INO 2) make the trek inside and off of my lazy bum 3) decide to eat outside 4) decide to eat by myself in public!
Okay now that you have some background- here is what happened!
So there I am eating my burger (Cheeseburger with grilled onions and whole grilled onions with extra pickles- if you must know- I've converted many a person to that order), and this lady comes up and asks "Are you sitting with anyone?" I reply, "No, just me.." and without saying anything she just sits down, and five seconds later, so does her friend. AWWWWWKWARD I think! Aren't there more tables!?!? I look around, oddly enough, no, there weren't.
So to break the ice ( since I HATE awkward silence with complete strangers- but really does anyone love that!?) I say, " Yeah it was too nice outside to pass it up, and since I work inside, I want to enjoy it before I go in..." Then the one friend starts talking with me about work and where she works. LAX, and for the TSA as a screener. I let her know that I know about that b/c my mom works for TSA and such. And she says she likes it because she gets to help people and just talk with all sorts of people, and out of nowhere I just start talking about God and how he uses us to help encourage others during the day through random encounters and on and on- not realizing that I am talking about God with complete strangers out of nowhere- and she chimes in and starts talking about scripture- and I answer with the reference, and so on. We continue talking for almost an hour about God and how he works in our lives, and we're spitting scripture back and forth (which Kevin would be so proud of me since I always lose the name that verse game he and his dad frequently play and when it gets to me I am a total blank! They always get mad b/c I should know every verse of the Bible apparently b/c I went to Biola- but I sidetrack) - and not in some weird show off how much we know sort of way, but relating what God has taught us through various verses that help us get through work, or the chaos of life and so on. It was beautiful- spirit focused- fellowship with a complete stranger.
We continue talking about where they go to church and volunteer and I begin talking about my church and our work in Watts, as well as my families ties to it. Turns out- BOTH of those women grew up in the local projects that we work with, went to Powerhouse church that we work with, AND went to the Grape Street School that we are working with as well!!! AND to add to it- one of the friends realize the Pastor and family who run the church, are her neighbors.... I mean come on!!!!!!!
I encourage her the other friend (who mostly listened and chimed in a bit to the conversation) that she should really start going there again and get to know Pastor Todd and his wife Jennifer b/c they could help with a few issues she was currently going through- as well as helping with some food for her family. We exchanged information, said our goodbyes, and went on our way.
But I left feeling so overjoyed, so refreshed, so loved by God. That he would direct my path and theirs to meet me on that day. To enjoy true Christian fellowship with two strangers who were bold enough to sit at my tiny table on that sunny day. I smiled the whole commute to work (which is usually filled with sports radio and lots of lane changing and irritation by the 405/10 commute!) and just praised God for bringing me that small sense of his presence. That sense that he has indeed hidden his words in my heart as it says in Psalm 119:
All in all, you may not think this was anything cool at all. But to me, to my heart that longs to see God in the daily, small, and common things we do, it fills my cup. It gives me another reason to praise Him. So- do something different this week. AND pay attention. You will be surprised how much God wants to bless you. At least I was.
Thank you Lord for that special lunch.
Painfully craved In N Out Burger and decided I was going to go to the one closer to the airport instead of the one closer to my house- so that I could hop on the freeway and make it to work on time. However, I went into cruise control and went to the other INO (InNOut) on accident. The line was HUGE so I went inside to order b/c that is usually faster, just less convenient for us lazy folks. I got my order to go and was going to eat in my car, b/c really who likes to eat by themselves? NO ONE. However I decided that I was going to eat outside because it was seriously so nice outside- which if you know me- I HATE eating outside. I don't know why, something about the wind blowing your hair in your food/mouth, the sun annoyingly giving me a burned nose and neck, and getting sweaty because you grow hotter by the second... ya know, just that- so it was REALLY our of the ordinary for me to do all of those four things 1) go to wrong INO 2) make the trek inside and off of my lazy bum 3) decide to eat outside 4) decide to eat by myself in public!
Okay now that you have some background- here is what happened!
So there I am eating my burger (Cheeseburger with grilled onions and whole grilled onions with extra pickles- if you must know- I've converted many a person to that order), and this lady comes up and asks "Are you sitting with anyone?" I reply, "No, just me.." and without saying anything she just sits down, and five seconds later, so does her friend. AWWWWWKWARD I think! Aren't there more tables!?!? I look around, oddly enough, no, there weren't.
So to break the ice ( since I HATE awkward silence with complete strangers- but really does anyone love that!?) I say, " Yeah it was too nice outside to pass it up, and since I work inside, I want to enjoy it before I go in..." Then the one friend starts talking with me about work and where she works. LAX, and for the TSA as a screener. I let her know that I know about that b/c my mom works for TSA and such. And she says she likes it because she gets to help people and just talk with all sorts of people, and out of nowhere I just start talking about God and how he uses us to help encourage others during the day through random encounters and on and on- not realizing that I am talking about God with complete strangers out of nowhere- and she chimes in and starts talking about scripture- and I answer with the reference, and so on. We continue talking for almost an hour about God and how he works in our lives, and we're spitting scripture back and forth (which Kevin would be so proud of me since I always lose the name that verse game he and his dad frequently play and when it gets to me I am a total blank! They always get mad b/c I should know every verse of the Bible apparently b/c I went to Biola- but I sidetrack) - and not in some weird show off how much we know sort of way, but relating what God has taught us through various verses that help us get through work, or the chaos of life and so on. It was beautiful- spirit focused- fellowship with a complete stranger.
We continue talking about where they go to church and volunteer and I begin talking about my church and our work in Watts, as well as my families ties to it. Turns out- BOTH of those women grew up in the local projects that we work with, went to Powerhouse church that we work with, AND went to the Grape Street School that we are working with as well!!! AND to add to it- one of the friends realize the Pastor and family who run the church, are her neighbors.... I mean come on!!!!!!!
I encourage her the other friend (who mostly listened and chimed in a bit to the conversation) that she should really start going there again and get to know Pastor Todd and his wife Jennifer b/c they could help with a few issues she was currently going through- as well as helping with some food for her family. We exchanged information, said our goodbyes, and went on our way.
But I left feeling so overjoyed, so refreshed, so loved by God. That he would direct my path and theirs to meet me on that day. To enjoy true Christian fellowship with two strangers who were bold enough to sit at my tiny table on that sunny day. I smiled the whole commute to work (which is usually filled with sports radio and lots of lane changing and irritation by the 405/10 commute!) and just praised God for bringing me that small sense of his presence. That sense that he has indeed hidden his words in my heart as it says in Psalm 119:
1 Blessed are they whose ways are blameless,
who walk according to the law of the LORD.
2 Blessed are they who keep his statutes
and seek him with all their heart.
3 They do nothing wrong;
they walk in his ways.
4 You have laid down precepts
that are to be fully obeyed.
5 Oh, that my ways were steadfast
in obeying your decrees!
6 Then I would not be put to shame
when I consider all your commands.
7 I will praise you with an upright heart
as I learn your righteous laws.
8 I will obey your decrees;
do not utterly forsake me.
ב Beth
9 How can a young man keep his way pure?
By living according to your word.
10 I seek you with all my heart;
do not let me stray from your commands.
11 I have hidden your word in my heart
that I might not sin against you.
12 Praise be to you, O LORD;
teach me your decrees.
13 With my lips I recount
all the laws that come from your mouth.
14 I rejoice in following your statutes
as one rejoices in great riches.
15 I meditate on your precepts
and consider your ways.
16 I delight in your decrees;
I will not neglect your word.
All in all, you may not think this was anything cool at all. But to me, to my heart that longs to see God in the daily, small, and common things we do, it fills my cup. It gives me another reason to praise Him. So- do something different this week. AND pay attention. You will be surprised how much God wants to bless you. At least I was.
Thank you Lord for that special lunch.
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