God's Answer

For the past few weeks I have been working on discerning what God wants for the next few steps of our journey in Washington to be. We believe we are weeks away from moving into an apartment, and hopeful for potential second job opportunities for me (as my pre school job is only part time). Deciding who/what/when/where/how have been the hardest part for us. God has been so present in our time here together, but also saying, wait. wait. wait more. be hopeful. be patient. trust me. trust me. trust me more. So here I am. Waiting, afraid to hope, and searching myself for trust. Trust I know God deserves, my life is an account of His faithfulness.

Our frequent prayer is that we would be faithful, hopeful, and patient. That we would seek what God has for us, and be open to responding. We know God has brought us here for a purpose. A beautiful purpose. And slowly, He is revealing parts of that promise to me. Little glimpses of a lesson He undeniably wants to be engrained in my core. And this is where the title of the blog is from. Love. The greatest of these things he wants to teach me (and all people) is HOW to love others, HIS WAY.

In all these special, little ways, He is whispering to me, "Love my precious children. Pay attention to what he/she is asking you for. For gentleness, for patience, for instruction, for a soft voice, for a glance, for a smile, for YOU Colleen." God is calling me to love others in ways that stretch me. As thin as the pages of His word. "Will you love them when you don't want to? WIll you love them when they test your every word? Will you love them when they are sick? Will you love them when they are screaming, flailing, sobbing for anyone but you? WIll you love them, like I love YOU?" He asks. Prove it. He urges. "Show me that I can count on you, Colleen." He calls. "Show me that you understand what I am asking you to do, that you are faithful." He says.

And isn't that what the Scriptures are all about anyways (in a ridiculously simplified kind of way)? A twofold story about God's love for us, and His command to love others the same way. To love others above ourselves. The same way He set His son before the cross. To love others who appear unlovable. The sinner. The ugly. The sick. The undeserving. The enemy. The unfaithful one. The runaway. The addict. The needy. The liar. The  orphan. The widow. The dying. The angry one. The abusive. The lonely. The neighbor. There is no person on this earth that is not worth loving he calls. There is no person on this earth more important than the one who is next to you, or in front of you, or behind you. They are His precious one. He made them. He has a purpose for them. They are made in His image, I am made in His image. The God of all creation. No words.

So as I hold and rock a crying child, I praise Jesus. Because He put me here at this moment to hold him and comfort him, a little boy who wanted to be held instead of playing. As I sing Jesus loves me for the 5th time that morning due to popular demand, I thank God. Because He led me here to tell my 39 PRECIOUS two year olds that Jesus is in their heart, and they want to hear it over, and over, and over again. He led me here for a great moment this morning, when one of my sweet little girls looked up and said, "Teacher Cawneeeee, Jesus is in my heart" with a smile that resonated through her body. He led me here for that. Praise Him. Tears in my eyes praise Him.

He led me here for 39 noses to wipe. He led me here for clean up time. He led me here for finger paints, and blocks, and mumbled words, and spontaneous kisses on the cheek, and story time, and watching eyes who respond entirely better to a gentle voice, a whisper in their ear, a soothing hug, an eye level smile, a watch teacher squish paint in between her fingers so I won't be afraid, for 39 helpers who shout "I did it" when they put toys in the right place, or go down the slide, or color on the paper and not the table, chair, child sitting next to them, or their own teeth. Magic. He led me here to show me the many wonders that come from seeing life through the eyes of 39 precious, honestly precious little children. And I am renewed each day from the overflow of love I have for them.

 He gives me a glimpse and says, "This, this is how I want you to see my children. This, this is how I want you to love all those you encounter. This, this is the attitude I want you to have. A spirit of gentleness Colleen. Clothed in patience Colleen. Covered in joyfulness. Overwhelmed with an attitude of servanthood. Serve my people as you serve these children. In word. In deed. In spirit. "

So as I sat tonight thinking of what Scripture I wanted to read, I decided to do Kevin and my devotion for the day (since he is working until 3am...) by  myself. The passage for today was Romans 12:9 &15. I read it. I don't like the wording. Sounds like it came from the Message. (Not sipping haterade here, I just don't like the simplified wording here!) So I go to open my Bible. Where does it fall open to thanks to a bookmark that I don't remember moving... Romans.  What is the heading at this section: Marks of a True Christian. If there is one thing I have been working on this year, it is being true to my faith and open about it at every opportunity. And what do you know. Just yesterday, I got an e-mail from an old friend from High School who I have been messaging back and forth about the Bible and its truth. He has many things about religion that have made him turn away from it and so on. However, at the end of his message he said this... "I hope I do not offend you with my opinions, and thank you for being true to your faith. " I do not say this because I think I am some perfect Christian who you should be like- ad my goal for telling you is not our of proudness or anything of the like. No. I say this because God is showing me links. He is connecting the dots in front of my eyes, I just need to seek Him in all I do. Had I opened Romans yesterday, the heading would not have stuck out at all. But now, after someone telling me that, and making me think again, that even people I have not spoken to in years, see what I do or say, makes me rejoice. Makes me thankful to God that by his grace, someone noticed Him through my life.

I want my life to show, however big or small, the marks of a true Christian. How can we ever know who is a true Christian Colleen!? Well this is what God's word says.

Romans 12:9-21
⁹ Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good.¹⁰ Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor. ¹¹ Do not be slothful in zeal, be fervent in spirit, serve the Lord. ¹² Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer. ¹³ Contribute to the needs of the saints and seek to show hospitality.¹⁴ Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them. ¹⁵Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. ¹⁶ Live in harmony with one another. Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly. Never be wise in your own sight. ¹⁷ Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all.¹⁸ If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.¹⁹ Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.” ²⁰ To the contrary, “if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.” ²¹ Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

So how will I proceed out here? Well God answered that tonight, and has been showing me all along the way. Rejoicing in hope, patient in tribulation, and constant in prayer.

2012

Hi friends! (Picture me waving and smiling to you) 


New Years.... I'm going to jump right in.


What is that for you!? Is God giving you a new vision? Calling you to scary and trying places? Opening your eyes to the broken and alone? Pushing you to try new things, meet new people, or step out in new ways with your faith? I certainly hope so.


Here is what is on my heart for you, whoever is reading this- it's for a reason (whether I know you or not- God will use it I pray): He is so big and so good and He wants to bring you into a new joy that you've yet to know. Take the leap with Him. Trust your convictions. Speak in love without hesitation, it is always worth it. Say sorry. Just LOVE those you encounter in whatever way that works. Okay!?


As for me, I am eager for what God is going to do this year. In a new place. A new job. A new marriage. A new everything. Is that scary? Yes. Is it sometimes overwhelming? Of course. Do I often second guess our decision? You bet. However, is God distant from me (us) in this time? Never. He is so present. He is the comforter. 


A good friend reminded me (after some discussion and reflection since moving) about the Israelites in the desert and how many times they looked back in longing to Egypt, to their imprisonment, and asked God to take them back there. BACK TO ALL THAT ENSLAVED THEM! The fear of what was ahead. The fear of truly trusting the God who answered their cry to get them out of Egypt. It is scary to trust God when our human eyes and hearts cannot see what lies ahead. It is scary to rely on God to make the way, thinking we can do it better. It is easier to look back, and see comfort and ease, and seek that. But to do so, is to miss the promise land. To do so, is to turn from the call God put on my heart that brought me (us) out to Washington in the first place. To do so is to ignore the dreams he gave me of those I am teaching right now. And so I will run. I will run towards what it is he has for us. I will run ahead and focus my eyes on the Lord and His perfect plan- replacing distractions with prayer and study. That is my goal. Here are a few ways I intend on doing so this next year, month, day, hour, minute, second!


1. Unplug. Over and over God has been calling me to unplug myself from so many distractions. Convicting me to turn my eyes from status updates and photos of other peoples lives, and focus on living the life He wants for me. He convicts us all in different things, and you may think that is not very big, but for me, it is a time sucker that takes away from better things.  My friend Alex wrote a great post on what he calls, "technology idolatry" and it hit me. God had been convicting me for a while that I need to put His word and worship before signing in to facebook, twitter, blogs, or tv. Read his blog if you'd like to read what he wrote HERE. I don't know for how long, and I am not going to set numbers to any of these goals, I trust God will let me know when I am ready.


2. Serve. Jesus came and he served. He served all those he encountered. He served the loved, the poor, the lonely, the hated, the broken, the mean spirited, the doubters, and his own family. My goal is to live this year (and all those after) as a reflection of Him, the servant. Working to live a life less focused on my immediate "needs" and as an outpour of God's love to the needs of others. How? It can be anything really. What does it seem like the lady crying on the bus stop needs? A hug? A hot meal? A kind smile? I'm not sure- I probably won't know- but I know that if I earnestly seek God and ask Jesus to give me the spirit to teach me daily, He will provide just that.  "He must become greater; I must become less." - John 3:30  I posted last week from a blog Kisses for Katie, on living life "bent low" and that is my second goal. If only you could see the tears I cried as I read her post and felt the joy that God wants to bless me with as I seek Him, and serve Him, bent low. Loving others and showing them the love of Jesus. There is something overwhelming about reading the words from a stranger across the world, that reflect the longings of your heart. Incredible. Go HERE to read that post again- but please don't stop there, read on and on. 


3. To love myself. Now this may sound conflicting with the previous goal. But I do not think I can do the other without loving who God made me to be. Trusting that the lessons, failures, successes, and convictions He has given me are exactly what He wants them to be. Learning to trust that I am His precious, cherished one. That means believing that I am strong enough to do what He has called me to. That means shutting out self doubt, image, materialism and adding courage that is founded in the word. It means creating a healthy lifestyle to take care of the temple that is my body. It means putting aside things that will ultimately leave me empty; gadgets,   jewels, junk, that will rust and fade in time and focusing on the truth that brings freedom and joy. By loving who God has made me to be (and made you to be) I will be a better agent of the gospel. As I learn to better love myself, I can certainly hope that God will show me how to better love my neighbor. Which is what He wants from me above all else. To love those all around me, my neighbor, as myself.  


I don't like to starve, so God help me find ways to feed the hungry.
I don't like to be cold, so God help me find ways to bring warmth.
I don't like to feel alone, so God help me bring comfort.
I don't like to hurt, so God help me bring your healing.
I don't like to be without you, so God help me bring your word to those in longing.


I can feel it in my core that God is going to use me (as He has before) in new ways. Calling me to obedience. Calling me to feed off His word daily. Calling me to be satisfied in Him. Pray for me along the way. Pray fro Kevin too- as he puts up with my new ideas and wild journey. Pray that we have a shared vision of this new life we are building up here. Thank you for sharing in this journey with me.  As for the little resolutions I have... here are a few....


1. Run a half marathon/be in good overall health
2. Begin and finish applications for grad school
3. volunteer somewhere with teen mothers
4. volunteer with a church high school group
5. minimize my closet to 100 items or less (yes this is a real problem for me)
6. If I can't pronounce it, don't eat it
7. craft once a month
8. say thank you to every soldier in uniform that I encounter (that may sound corny, but I never have the courage to do so because I almost cry every time and I get too embarrassed) 
9. Cut out soda completely ( I am a caffeine free diet coke freak)
10. Read God's word and have a quiet time daily. 


Thank you for reading. This was a long one- but don't think it will be the last long one anytime soon! God is on the move. 

Choose L.O.V.E.

After many articles on Christmas and the "reason for the season" I am really working on rethinking the entire point of Christmas. Kevin and I may have some opposing views about it, after talking about a recent article from the wonderful Jen Hatmaker. It is worth the read. And painfully, many people won't read it because they are :too busy, not interested, or not willing to take an honest look at themselves and the holidays and make changes that they are convicted about. There are many panful things she writes about, child slavery (which is STILL happening all over the world), sex trafficking (which STILL happens everywhere including America- particularly in the OC), corruption, greed, lackluster love for God, unappreciation for the miraculous birth of Jesus Christ, materialism, and much more. I feel it is a reflection of our culture, and what it has done to our families. 

I frequently  sometimes find myself picturing the little family I want to have, no tv, no video games, just family fun. Kids who we pour ourselves into with TIME and ATTENTION instead of pacifying them so that I can "do more important things" like watch tv or look at blogs or a bunch of other useless things I can't think of that we have come to value. What is more important than raising your children to know and love and honor and revere the Lord!? ( Yes, I know I do not have kids, yes I'm sure that maybe I am coming off strong, yes I know that "If you had kids you'd fill-in-the-blank- with whatever things I am against" but I pray with all my might that we will be different. That the love of God would be our desire, and our focus. That we would be a family (even as we are only a family of 2.5 [kevin would be mad if I didn't include our dog Zoey as some numerical value so she gets 0.5] right now) who seeks God above material wealth, looks for ways to continually serve our community/friends/family, who doesn't live in excess, but freely gives that excess to important things like : water wells in communities that need them (i.e. a large majority of Africa), food to local shelters or programs like this Watts Powerhouse Food where my dad serves the local community with food, clothing, and educational services all from donors, or for programs like The International Justice Mission who do AMAZING work all over the world. 

There are hundreds more but I think you get the point, and you will especially get the point if you read Jen's link: GIVE THE GIFT OF CLEAN WATER, FOOD, OR FREEDOM INSTEAD OF WASTING HUNDREDS OR THOUSANDS ON SWEATERS AND CD'S AND GADGETS THAT ARE MOMENTARY PLEASURES. What is YOUR hard earned money worth? Honestly, decide. Choose to love those in need. Real need, not like "I neeeeeed Justin Bieber's new single". Think about what your money is worth.

"I worked really hard, made sacrifices, missed special events, got up early, worked through the night, on and on to buy my brother, sister, mom, dad, aunt, husband, son, daughter _____________________ (fill in the blank). That they use for a while and then forget/get bored/want the next best thing. When I could've helped to change the overall health and life expectancy of an entire village by raising money and donating to their water initiative (check this one out owned by Matt Damon), or feeding 150 kids for Christmas break who would otherwise starve all week, literally. Or choosing to fight for the freedom and basic human rights we ALL deserve by supporting companies who fight for the abused, abandoned, and alone. Did I use my money for good? To serve others, or did I waste it on material things? "

 I dare you to ask yourself these questions. And I am certain there are other ministries or areas of service/people groups YOU feel convicted to help, these are just a few of mine, but I want to encourage you to DO SOMETHING about it!

You money, your time, your efforts are worth so much more than what Target tells you (granted I like Target and all, but honestly). IM BEING SERIOUS! You may be laughing and calling me a freak by now, which I am okay with. But seriously.  Does buying a Snuggie, Family Guy cup set, and Season 4 of House really change your life or anyone who gets it!? NO. So please, I beg you (and myself) to make a change and decide that you can do better. You can be a part of change and progress in our world during a season of selfishness and financial waste. 

NOW: Do I think that giving gifts is wrong? NO. Do I think celebrating Christmas with loved ones is wrong? NO. Is Santa the devil? NO, but the devil certainly sneaks his way into our hearts and makes us care about ALL the wrong things for all the wrong reasons about many holidays or celebrated events. My point is this- we can do better. We can choose to celebrate by doing great things for others. We can celebrate by making thoughtful gifts, spending TIME instead of mass amounts of money with those we love, and not time side by side watching "A Christmas Story" which is funny but pointless, but invested time, meaningful time. We can celebrate by choosing to spend in a smarter way. Avoiding that dollar section (of which I am guilty) at Target or Old Navy or wherever to buy cute/equally useless gifts for people and put that money towards water, food, and freedom. Be intentional about it. All of it. Limit yourself- or create boundaries for how you will spend so that you are set up for success of both thinking about those you love, and those you want to help. For every hundred you spend on gifts, donate that same amount and so on. 

Make it about LOVE. The love of God to send His son Jesus Christ to earth (and while many will say- the point of Christmas historically was not about Jesus' birth, he wasn't actually born on Christmas and so on- this is what our country for many many years chooses to celebrate His glorious birth- so this is when we will celebrate it!). Focus on the love you have for your friends and family and find better ways to show them besides an itunes gift card. (i.e. make them a cd of all the songs that mean something to you both, or a set of songs meant to inspire them while they train for a marathon, study for finals, or are going through a hard time- be intentional and thoughtful.) 

AM I MAKING SENSE HERE!?

Lastly, choose to love those you don't know. Those who you will never meet. Choose to love those in need out of the goodness of your heart. Choose LOVE over gifts and gadgets. By choosing to love those we'll never meet or see or get a thank you from, we are choosing to love others as we love ourselves. Which is the greatest commandment of all. 

Matthew 22: 36-40

³⁶ “Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?”

 ³⁷ Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’^[c] 38 This is the first and greatest commandment. ³⁹ And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’^[d] 40 All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”

The Way.

Tonight my Aunt and I went and saw the movie called "The Way". It was written and directed by Emilio Estaves ( *Check It Out Here* ). Good movie.

At so many points it got me thinking. The story is about a dad who goes on a long trek that his son had set out for, but died on day one (you learn in the first five minutes so its not a spoiler okay!- sorry!) and along the journey we get to see and meet a few interesting characters and learn their stories- or should I say very small peeks into their stories.

It made me think this exact thought throughout the movie-

Share what you have.

Thats it. Nothing huge. But this movie really got me thinking. I think about life a lot- and how short it really is in the grand scheme of things. We each have so much love and kindness and encouraging words/thoughts within us- but how often do we really tell people them? How many missed opportunities we let go by without saying them. I know we see this everywhere, "tell people you love them, it could be your last time" I understand that. I agree with it. BUT I think we need to do more. Simply saying you love someone is not enough. LIVE IT OUT. We need to love them in all we do. Word and deed. What does that look like?

Saying something honest. Saying something of meaning to someone. Comforting them even if it is hard for you. Praying for them without them having to ask. Knowing them. Listening to them more than talking about yourself. Really listening so that you know how to best love them. Forgiving them. Appreciating who they are. Thinking of them first. Love has so many ways of revealing itself.  But mostly we need to do the following.

We need to live like Jesus.

This passage has been on my mind for the entire year. I cannot even begin to unravel it in my poorly written words, and maybe you wont see how it relates- but hey God gave me these words and I'm writing them so hopefully they will matter and make sense to one of you. so please. Read.


1 John 2:3-11

³ We know that we have come to know him if we keep his commands. ⁴ Whoever says, “I know him,” but does not do what he commands is a liar, and the truth is not in that person. ⁵ But if anyone obeys his word, love for God is truly made complete in them. This is how we know we are in him: ⁶ Whoever claims to live in him must live as Jesus did.

 ⁷ Dear friends, I am not writing you a new command but an old one, which you have had since the beginning. This old command is the message you have heard. ⁸ Yet I am writing you a new command; its truth is seen in him and in you, because the darkness is passing and the true light is already shining.

 ⁹ Anyone who claims to be in the light but hates a brother or sister is still in the darkness. ¹⁰ Anyone who loves their brother and sister lives in the light, and there is nothing in them to make them stumble. ¹¹ But anyone who hates a brother or sister is in the darkness and walks around in the darkness. They do not know where they are going, because the darkness has blinded them.

So here is the point to this all. We cannot know and give and understand love the way it is meant to be carried out until we know the way God intended it. How can we know that? Through scriptures. Through Jesus' life. We need to know Jesus. I need to know Jesus. I need to know Him more than I know ANY other. I need to know because my entire life depends on it. All my relationships, friendships, family, marriage, future children, grandchildren. All those I will work with and encounter need love- and I want to be able to show it to them, no matter how slight. 

So thank you- Emilio... for showing me.... the way.... hahaha okay sorry I had to add that in there. And for a cuter version of a love story- go watch Juno. Lots to learn there. The good the bad the ugly. And I am biased b/c it involves teen pregnancy and adoption all in one. Okay bye.