Okay. So I am on this journey.
This journey that God keeps calling me to. This journey that I know is going to change my life and the way I live it dramatically. Even though I keep looking away from it, I know it is going to happen. God is calling me, convicting me, bringing things into my awareness that I cannot avoid. And I just feel it. Have you ever felt like that? That you were on the brink of change? That you were so close to something big that you got goosebumps for no reason? Well that is the place I am at.
It feels good. and it feels scary. It feels like I am acknowledging that God is asking me to give up. GIve up all that I have made valuable in my life. Give up the worth I have placed on things. stuff. ideals. dreams. He is telling me that He will bring he new dreams. better dreams. And as I state the obvious to you, it still sounds like some extreme thing. right? Wrong. God calls us throughout the entire Bible to cast our idols aside and have no other God but him.
"Colleen stop being so extreme, so dramatic, God gave us these things to enjoy!"
Enjoying something God gave you, and putting something before God (either with time, devotion to that thing, or the use of that thing to avoid God) are entirely different.
Yes. God made the earth for us to inhabit and use. But he commands us not to have idols. And boy have we turned every last thing into an idol on this earth. I know for certain I am not the only one who has. Whether we are aware of it or not- we have. We have put value, worth, time, money into the entertaining, the flashy, the new, the bigger and better, the material. The things that will rot and rust and fade into the earth. Obviously I know this is not a new thing. Since the fall we have placed value on almost everything we can instead of God alone. I know that I am not speaking words that are changing you to your core right now. These are not new thoughts. We know them. Yet we fail miserably at correcting them. Selfishly, lustfully, jealously, we fail.
I just wrote and deleted and rewrote and deleted again the list of excuses we make about why we don't do the things we are called to do, and the real reasons we arent willing to make the sacrifices and changes. I deleted them because I not only do not want to condemn others, but I dont want to condemn myself as well. That won't help. We need to channel Gods love and incredible grace as the means to change our focus and fulfill the emptiness we continue to cram other idols into (i.e. computer, tv, cars, clothes, make up, food, sex, gossip, status) into the place that only God can fill, because only God created us and knows us and made us to be with Him. Only God can change us. Condemnation of the self and others will not. Does that mean we should make excuses- NO. Does it mean that we should not repent and ask for God's forgiveness for putting worthless crap above Him- NO. We must ask. Does it mean we should wait until we FEEL we can overcome these obstacles- NO. We will never feel that way. That is the problem. We will always desire the instant gratification that those stated previously bring to us. We will always want an instant feeling or distraction that idols bring into our lives. And so presents our great need for God's grace and healing touch. Only He can change us. Fulfill us. Make us new.
You can buy new clothes, drive a new car, live in a bigger and better house, you can even become a different person with all the surgeries in the world for your external body. But you will remain the same inside. Only God can change who we are internally. Only God can empower us to take those steps. And I trust that He will. I pray that He will. I need Him too. You need Him to. He has so much more for our lives than what we think life is about.
So why am I saying all of this? I'm not sure. God put it on my heart to write about. And so I will. I hope you read it as an encouraging challenge and not annoying. My intention is to write about things that I have struggled with, and if I do, I am certain there is at least one, and probably many more that struggle with similar things (since we see it throughout the Bible and our history). So please hear my heart. I can only trust that God will use my words to encourage someone, somewhere. To make you think. To make me think. To help me grow.
Here are the scriptures that God has placed in front of me, addressing some of these issues I have been working on.
Matthew 23: 25-28
" Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You clean the outside of the cup and dish, but inside they are full of greed and self-indulgence. Blind Pharisee! First clean the inside of the cup and dish, and then the outside also will be clean. We to you teachers of the law and Pharisees. You are like whitewashed tombs, which look beautiful on the outside but on the inside are full of dead men's bones and everything unclean. In the same way, on the outside you appear to people as righteous, but on the inside you are full of hypocrisy and wickedness."
Matthew 6:2-4, 19-24
" Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.
The eye is the lamp of the body. If your eyes are good, your whole body will be full of light. But if your eyes are bad, your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light within you is darkness, how great is that darkness.
No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and Money."
" So when you give to the needy, do not announce it with trumpets, as the hypocrits do in the synagogues and on the streets, to be honored by men. I tell you the truth they have received their reward in full. But when you give to they needy, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, so that your giving may be in secret. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.
Luke 12: 32-34 (Read Luke 12 in its entirety to get a better glimpse of the story)
"Do not be afraid, little flock, for your Father has been please to give you the kingdom. Sell your possessions and give to the poor. Provide purses for yourselves that will not wear out, a treasure in heaven that will not be exhausted, where no thief comes near and no moth destroys. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."
He is calling me over and over to make this change. To get to my basics. To sell those things that are excess and that I have put too much worth in. So I am writing it here- so you will see and hold me accountable. I am going to create an account to sell some stuff and the money I have made, I am going to donate it to a few places. I will let you know what the next step is. I am also going to plan a six month devotional through the Bible. I will post on how I am doing it so if you want to join me, you can! Please pray for me in this situation. I have much more to write on this topic. Thank you friends.
Sunday, January 29, 2012
Saturday, January 28, 2012
Follow Him.
Have you ever wondered what God made you to do?
Have you ever wanted to spend the rest of your life doing something, but felt you couldn't because of money?
Because of what others would think?
Have you ever had people tell you to do what makes the most money?
Have you ever felt like your dreams are so far away?
Why?
What is it stopping you from take.the.step?
Step towards it.
Volunteer.
Do what you love for FREE.
Do what you love with nothing in return.
I promise God will honor it.
Sigh a breath of relief. A breath of joy.
He wants to bring you to that joy.
Follow Him.
Follow Him.
Follow Him.
Please. You. Will. Not. Regret. It.
Have you ever been afraid to take the leap?
JUMP!
The worst is that you fall and skin your knee.
Wounds can heal.
Opportunities cannot come again.
Be who you want to be.
Whoever you are.
Be.
Follow Him.
Follow His call.
Follow your convictions.
Follow His word.
Follow His son.
Follow His spirit and its leading.
Follow what is honest and true.
Follow Him.
Monday, January 9, 2012
God's Answer
For the past few weeks I have been working on discerning what God wants for the next few steps of our journey in Washington to be. We believe we are weeks away from moving into an apartment, and hopeful for potential second job opportunities for me (as my pre school job is only part time). Deciding who/what/when/where/how have been the hardest part for us. God has been so present in our time here together, but also saying, wait. wait. wait more. be hopeful. be patient. trust me. trust me. trust me more. So here I am. Waiting, afraid to hope, and searching myself for trust. Trust I know God deserves, my life is an account of His faithfulness.
Our frequent prayer is that we would be faithful, hopeful, and patient. That we would seek what God has for us, and be open to responding. We know God has brought us here for a purpose. A beautiful purpose. And slowly, He is revealing parts of that promise to me. Little glimpses of a lesson He undeniably wants to be engrained in my core. And this is where the title of the blog is from. Love. The greatest of these things he wants to teach me (and all people) is HOW to love others, HIS WAY.
In all these special, little ways, He is whispering to me, "Love my precious children. Pay attention to what he/she is asking you for. For gentleness, for patience, for instruction, for a soft voice, for a glance, for a smile, for YOU Colleen." God is calling me to love others in ways that stretch me. As thin as the pages of His word. "Will you love them when you don't want to? WIll you love them when they test your every word? Will you love them when they are sick? Will you love them when they are screaming, flailing, sobbing for anyone but you? WIll you love them, like I love YOU?" He asks. Prove it. He urges. "Show me that I can count on you, Colleen." He calls. "Show me that you understand what I am asking you to do, that you are faithful." He says.
And isn't that what the Scriptures are all about anyways (in a ridiculously simplified kind of way)? A twofold story about God's love for us, and His command to love others the same way. To love others above ourselves. The same way He set His son before the cross. To love others who appear unlovable. The sinner. The ugly. The sick. The undeserving. The enemy. The unfaithful one. The runaway. The addict. The needy. The liar. The orphan. The widow. The dying. The angry one. The abusive. The lonely. The neighbor. There is no person on this earth that is not worth loving he calls. There is no person on this earth more important than the one who is next to you, or in front of you, or behind you. They are His precious one. He made them. He has a purpose for them. They are made in His image, I am made in His image. The God of all creation. No words.
So as I hold and rock a crying child, I praise Jesus. Because He put me here at this moment to hold him and comfort him, a little boy who wanted to be held instead of playing. As I sing Jesus loves me for the 5th time that morning due to popular demand, I thank God. Because He led me here to tell my 39 PRECIOUS two year olds that Jesus is in their heart, and they want to hear it over, and over, and over again. He led me here for a great moment this morning, when one of my sweet little girls looked up and said, "Teacher Cawneeeee, Jesus is in my heart" with a smile that resonated through her body. He led me here for that. Praise Him. Tears in my eyes praise Him.
He led me here for 39 noses to wipe. He led me here for clean up time. He led me here for finger paints, and blocks, and mumbled words, and spontaneous kisses on the cheek, and story time, and watching eyes who respond entirely better to a gentle voice, a whisper in their ear, a soothing hug, an eye level smile, a watch teacher squish paint in between her fingers so I won't be afraid, for 39 helpers who shout "I did it" when they put toys in the right place, or go down the slide, or color on the paper and not the table, chair, child sitting next to them, or their own teeth. Magic. He led me here to show me the many wonders that come from seeing life through the eyes of 39 precious, honestly precious little children. And I am renewed each day from the overflow of love I have for them.
He gives me a glimpse and says, "This, this is how I want you to see my children. This, this is how I want you to love all those you encounter. This, this is the attitude I want you to have. A spirit of gentleness Colleen. Clothed in patience Colleen. Covered in joyfulness. Overwhelmed with an attitude of servanthood. Serve my people as you serve these children. In word. In deed. In spirit. "
So as I sat tonight thinking of what Scripture I wanted to read, I decided to do Kevin and my devotion for the day (since he is working until 3am...) by myself. The passage for today was Romans 12:9 &15. I read it. I don't like the wording. Sounds like it came from the Message. (Not sipping haterade here, I just don't like the simplified wording here!) So I go to open my Bible. Where does it fall open to thanks to a bookmark that I don't remember moving... Romans. What is the heading at this section: Marks of a True Christian. If there is one thing I have been working on this year, it is being true to my faith and open about it at every opportunity. And what do you know. Just yesterday, I got an e-mail from an old friend from High School who I have been messaging back and forth about the Bible and its truth. He has many things about religion that have made him turn away from it and so on. However, at the end of his message he said this... "I hope I do not offend you with my opinions, and thank you for being true to your faith. " I do not say this because I think I am some perfect Christian who you should be like- ad my goal for telling you is not our of proudness or anything of the like. No. I say this because God is showing me links. He is connecting the dots in front of my eyes, I just need to seek Him in all I do. Had I opened Romans yesterday, the heading would not have stuck out at all. But now, after someone telling me that, and making me think again, that even people I have not spoken to in years, see what I do or say, makes me rejoice. Makes me thankful to God that by his grace, someone noticed Him through my life.
I want my life to show, however big or small, the marks of a true Christian. How can we ever know who is a true Christian Colleen!? Well this is what God's word says.
Romans 12:9-21
9 Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good.10 Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor. 11 Do not be slothful in zeal, be fervent in spirit, serve the Lord. 12 Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer. 13 Contribute to the needs of the saints and seek to show hospitality.14 Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them. 15Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. 16 Live in harmony with one another. Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly. Never be wise in your own sight. 17 Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all.18 If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.19 Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.” 20 To the contrary, “if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.” 21 Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.
So how will I proceed out here? Well God answered that tonight, and has been showing me all along the way. Rejoicing in hope, patient in tribulation, and constant in prayer.
Our frequent prayer is that we would be faithful, hopeful, and patient. That we would seek what God has for us, and be open to responding. We know God has brought us here for a purpose. A beautiful purpose. And slowly, He is revealing parts of that promise to me. Little glimpses of a lesson He undeniably wants to be engrained in my core. And this is where the title of the blog is from. Love. The greatest of these things he wants to teach me (and all people) is HOW to love others, HIS WAY.
In all these special, little ways, He is whispering to me, "Love my precious children. Pay attention to what he/she is asking you for. For gentleness, for patience, for instruction, for a soft voice, for a glance, for a smile, for YOU Colleen." God is calling me to love others in ways that stretch me. As thin as the pages of His word. "Will you love them when you don't want to? WIll you love them when they test your every word? Will you love them when they are sick? Will you love them when they are screaming, flailing, sobbing for anyone but you? WIll you love them, like I love YOU?" He asks. Prove it. He urges. "Show me that I can count on you, Colleen." He calls. "Show me that you understand what I am asking you to do, that you are faithful." He says.
And isn't that what the Scriptures are all about anyways (in a ridiculously simplified kind of way)? A twofold story about God's love for us, and His command to love others the same way. To love others above ourselves. The same way He set His son before the cross. To love others who appear unlovable. The sinner. The ugly. The sick. The undeserving. The enemy. The unfaithful one. The runaway. The addict. The needy. The liar. The orphan. The widow. The dying. The angry one. The abusive. The lonely. The neighbor. There is no person on this earth that is not worth loving he calls. There is no person on this earth more important than the one who is next to you, or in front of you, or behind you. They are His precious one. He made them. He has a purpose for them. They are made in His image, I am made in His image. The God of all creation. No words.
So as I hold and rock a crying child, I praise Jesus. Because He put me here at this moment to hold him and comfort him, a little boy who wanted to be held instead of playing. As I sing Jesus loves me for the 5th time that morning due to popular demand, I thank God. Because He led me here to tell my 39 PRECIOUS two year olds that Jesus is in their heart, and they want to hear it over, and over, and over again. He led me here for a great moment this morning, when one of my sweet little girls looked up and said, "Teacher Cawneeeee, Jesus is in my heart" with a smile that resonated through her body. He led me here for that. Praise Him. Tears in my eyes praise Him.
He led me here for 39 noses to wipe. He led me here for clean up time. He led me here for finger paints, and blocks, and mumbled words, and spontaneous kisses on the cheek, and story time, and watching eyes who respond entirely better to a gentle voice, a whisper in their ear, a soothing hug, an eye level smile, a watch teacher squish paint in between her fingers so I won't be afraid, for 39 helpers who shout "I did it" when they put toys in the right place, or go down the slide, or color on the paper and not the table, chair, child sitting next to them, or their own teeth. Magic. He led me here to show me the many wonders that come from seeing life through the eyes of 39 precious, honestly precious little children. And I am renewed each day from the overflow of love I have for them.
He gives me a glimpse and says, "This, this is how I want you to see my children. This, this is how I want you to love all those you encounter. This, this is the attitude I want you to have. A spirit of gentleness Colleen. Clothed in patience Colleen. Covered in joyfulness. Overwhelmed with an attitude of servanthood. Serve my people as you serve these children. In word. In deed. In spirit. "
So as I sat tonight thinking of what Scripture I wanted to read, I decided to do Kevin and my devotion for the day (since he is working until 3am...) by myself. The passage for today was Romans 12:9 &15. I read it. I don't like the wording. Sounds like it came from the Message. (Not sipping haterade here, I just don't like the simplified wording here!) So I go to open my Bible. Where does it fall open to thanks to a bookmark that I don't remember moving... Romans. What is the heading at this section: Marks of a True Christian. If there is one thing I have been working on this year, it is being true to my faith and open about it at every opportunity. And what do you know. Just yesterday, I got an e-mail from an old friend from High School who I have been messaging back and forth about the Bible and its truth. He has many things about religion that have made him turn away from it and so on. However, at the end of his message he said this... "I hope I do not offend you with my opinions, and thank you for being true to your faith. " I do not say this because I think I am some perfect Christian who you should be like- ad my goal for telling you is not our of proudness or anything of the like. No. I say this because God is showing me links. He is connecting the dots in front of my eyes, I just need to seek Him in all I do. Had I opened Romans yesterday, the heading would not have stuck out at all. But now, after someone telling me that, and making me think again, that even people I have not spoken to in years, see what I do or say, makes me rejoice. Makes me thankful to God that by his grace, someone noticed Him through my life.
I want my life to show, however big or small, the marks of a true Christian. How can we ever know who is a true Christian Colleen!? Well this is what God's word says.
Romans 12:9-21
9 Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good.10 Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor. 11 Do not be slothful in zeal, be fervent in spirit, serve the Lord. 12 Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer. 13 Contribute to the needs of the saints and seek to show hospitality.14 Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them. 15Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. 16 Live in harmony with one another. Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly. Never be wise in your own sight. 17 Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all.18 If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.19 Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.” 20 To the contrary, “if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.” 21 Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.
So how will I proceed out here? Well God answered that tonight, and has been showing me all along the way. Rejoicing in hope, patient in tribulation, and constant in prayer.
Monday, January 2, 2012
2012
Hi friends! (Picture me waving and smiling to you)
New Years.... I'm going to jump right in.
What is that for you!? Is God giving you a new vision? Calling you to scary and trying places? Opening your eyes to the broken and alone? Pushing you to try new things, meet new people, or step out in new ways with your faith? I certainly hope so.
Here is what is on my heart for you, whoever is reading this- it's for a reason (whether I know you or not- God will use it I pray): He is so big and so good and He wants to bring you into a new joy that you've yet to know. Take the leap with Him. Trust your convictions. Speak in love without hesitation, it is always worth it. Say sorry. Just LOVE those you encounter in whatever way that works. Okay!?
As for me, I am eager for what God is going to do this year. In a new place. A new job. A new marriage. A new everything. Is that scary? Yes. Is it sometimes overwhelming? Of course. Do I often second guess our decision? You bet. However, is God distant from me (us) in this time? Never. He is so present. He is the comforter.
A good friend reminded me (after some discussion and reflection since moving) about the Israelites in the desert and how many times they looked back in longing to Egypt, to their imprisonment, and asked God to take them back there. BACK TO ALL THAT ENSLAVED THEM! The fear of what was ahead. The fear of truly trusting the God who answered their cry to get them out of Egypt. It is scary to trust God when our human eyes and hearts cannot see what lies ahead. It is scary to rely on God to make the way, thinking we can do it better. It is easier to look back, and see comfort and ease, and seek that. But to do so, is to miss the promise land. To do so, is to turn from the call God put on my heart that brought me (us) out to Washington in the first place. To do so is to ignore the dreams he gave me of those I am teaching right now. And so I will run. I will run towards what it is he has for us. I will run ahead and focus my eyes on the Lord and His perfect plan- replacing distractions with prayer and study. That is my goal. Here are a few ways I intend on doing so this next year, month, day, hour, minute, second!
1. Unplug. Over and over God has been calling me to unplug myself from so many distractions. Convicting me to turn my eyes from status updates and photos of other peoples lives, and focus on living the life He wants for me. He convicts us all in different things, and you may think that is not very big, but for me, it is a time sucker that takes away from better things. My friend Alex wrote a great post on what he calls, "technology idolatry" and it hit me. God had been convicting me for a while that I need to put His word and worship before signing in to facebook, twitter, blogs, or tv. Read his blog if you'd like to read what he wrote HERE. I don't know for how long, and I am not going to set numbers to any of these goals, I trust God will let me know when I am ready.
2. Serve. Jesus came and he served. He served all those he encountered. He served the loved, the poor, the lonely, the hated, the broken, the mean spirited, the doubters, and his own family. My goal is to live this year (and all those after) as a reflection of Him, the servant. Working to live a life less focused on my immediate "needs" and as an outpour of God's love to the needs of others. How? It can be anything really. What does it seem like the lady crying on the bus stop needs? A hug? A hot meal? A kind smile? I'm not sure- I probably won't know- but I know that if I earnestly seek God and ask Jesus to give me the spirit to teach me daily, He will provide just that. "He must become greater; I must become less." - John 3:30 I posted last week from a blog Kisses for Katie, on living life "bent low" and that is my second goal. If only you could see the tears I cried as I read her post and felt the joy that God wants to bless me with as I seek Him, and serve Him, bent low. Loving others and showing them the love of Jesus. There is something overwhelming about reading the words from a stranger across the world, that reflect the longings of your heart. Incredible. Go HERE to read that post again- but please don't stop there, read on and on.
3. To love myself. Now this may sound conflicting with the previous goal. But I do not think I can do the other without loving who God made me to be. Trusting that the lessons, failures, successes, and convictions He has given me are exactly what He wants them to be. Learning to trust that I am His precious, cherished one. That means believing that I am strong enough to do what He has called me to. That means shutting out self doubt, image, materialism and adding courage that is founded in the word. It means creating a healthy lifestyle to take care of the temple that is my body. It means putting aside things that will ultimately leave me empty; gadgets, jewels, junk, that will rust and fade in time and focusing on the truth that brings freedom and joy. By loving who God has made me to be (and made you to be) I will be a better agent of the gospel. As I learn to better love myself, I can certainly hope that God will show me how to better love my neighbor. Which is what He wants from me above all else. To love those all around me, my neighbor, as myself.
I don't like to starve, so God help me find ways to feed the hungry.
I don't like to be cold, so God help me find ways to bring warmth.
I don't like to feel alone, so God help me bring comfort.
I don't like to hurt, so God help me bring your healing.
I don't like to be without you, so God help me bring your word to those in longing.
I can feel it in my core that God is going to use me (as He has before) in new ways. Calling me to obedience. Calling me to feed off His word daily. Calling me to be satisfied in Him. Pray for me along the way. Pray fro Kevin too- as he puts up with my new ideas and wild journey. Pray that we have a shared vision of this new life we are building up here. Thank you for sharing in this journey with me. As for the little resolutions I have... here are a few....
1. Run a half marathon/be in good overall health
2. Begin and finish applications for grad school
3. volunteer somewhere with teen mothers
4. volunteer with a church high school group
5. minimize my closet to 100 items or less (yes this is a real problem for me)
6. If I can't pronounce it, don't eat it
7. craft once a month
8. say thank you to every soldier in uniform that I encounter (that may sound corny, but I never have the courage to do so because I almost cry every time and I get too embarrassed)
9. Cut out soda completely ( I am a caffeine free diet coke freak)
10. Read God's word and have a quiet time daily.
Thank you for reading. This was a long one- but don't think it will be the last long one anytime soon! God is on the move.
New Years.... I'm going to jump right in.
What is that for you!? Is God giving you a new vision? Calling you to scary and trying places? Opening your eyes to the broken and alone? Pushing you to try new things, meet new people, or step out in new ways with your faith? I certainly hope so.
Here is what is on my heart for you, whoever is reading this- it's for a reason (whether I know you or not- God will use it I pray): He is so big and so good and He wants to bring you into a new joy that you've yet to know. Take the leap with Him. Trust your convictions. Speak in love without hesitation, it is always worth it. Say sorry. Just LOVE those you encounter in whatever way that works. Okay!?
As for me, I am eager for what God is going to do this year. In a new place. A new job. A new marriage. A new everything. Is that scary? Yes. Is it sometimes overwhelming? Of course. Do I often second guess our decision? You bet. However, is God distant from me (us) in this time? Never. He is so present. He is the comforter.
A good friend reminded me (after some discussion and reflection since moving) about the Israelites in the desert and how many times they looked back in longing to Egypt, to their imprisonment, and asked God to take them back there. BACK TO ALL THAT ENSLAVED THEM! The fear of what was ahead. The fear of truly trusting the God who answered their cry to get them out of Egypt. It is scary to trust God when our human eyes and hearts cannot see what lies ahead. It is scary to rely on God to make the way, thinking we can do it better. It is easier to look back, and see comfort and ease, and seek that. But to do so, is to miss the promise land. To do so, is to turn from the call God put on my heart that brought me (us) out to Washington in the first place. To do so is to ignore the dreams he gave me of those I am teaching right now. And so I will run. I will run towards what it is he has for us. I will run ahead and focus my eyes on the Lord and His perfect plan- replacing distractions with prayer and study. That is my goal. Here are a few ways I intend on doing so this next year, month, day, hour, minute, second!
1. Unplug. Over and over God has been calling me to unplug myself from so many distractions. Convicting me to turn my eyes from status updates and photos of other peoples lives, and focus on living the life He wants for me. He convicts us all in different things, and you may think that is not very big, but for me, it is a time sucker that takes away from better things. My friend Alex wrote a great post on what he calls, "technology idolatry" and it hit me. God had been convicting me for a while that I need to put His word and worship before signing in to facebook, twitter, blogs, or tv. Read his blog if you'd like to read what he wrote HERE. I don't know for how long, and I am not going to set numbers to any of these goals, I trust God will let me know when I am ready.
2. Serve. Jesus came and he served. He served all those he encountered. He served the loved, the poor, the lonely, the hated, the broken, the mean spirited, the doubters, and his own family. My goal is to live this year (and all those after) as a reflection of Him, the servant. Working to live a life less focused on my immediate "needs" and as an outpour of God's love to the needs of others. How? It can be anything really. What does it seem like the lady crying on the bus stop needs? A hug? A hot meal? A kind smile? I'm not sure- I probably won't know- but I know that if I earnestly seek God and ask Jesus to give me the spirit to teach me daily, He will provide just that. "He must become greater; I must become less." - John 3:30 I posted last week from a blog Kisses for Katie, on living life "bent low" and that is my second goal. If only you could see the tears I cried as I read her post and felt the joy that God wants to bless me with as I seek Him, and serve Him, bent low. Loving others and showing them the love of Jesus. There is something overwhelming about reading the words from a stranger across the world, that reflect the longings of your heart. Incredible. Go HERE to read that post again- but please don't stop there, read on and on.
3. To love myself. Now this may sound conflicting with the previous goal. But I do not think I can do the other without loving who God made me to be. Trusting that the lessons, failures, successes, and convictions He has given me are exactly what He wants them to be. Learning to trust that I am His precious, cherished one. That means believing that I am strong enough to do what He has called me to. That means shutting out self doubt, image, materialism and adding courage that is founded in the word. It means creating a healthy lifestyle to take care of the temple that is my body. It means putting aside things that will ultimately leave me empty; gadgets, jewels, junk, that will rust and fade in time and focusing on the truth that brings freedom and joy. By loving who God has made me to be (and made you to be) I will be a better agent of the gospel. As I learn to better love myself, I can certainly hope that God will show me how to better love my neighbor. Which is what He wants from me above all else. To love those all around me, my neighbor, as myself.
I don't like to starve, so God help me find ways to feed the hungry.
I don't like to be cold, so God help me find ways to bring warmth.
I don't like to feel alone, so God help me bring comfort.
I don't like to hurt, so God help me bring your healing.
I don't like to be without you, so God help me bring your word to those in longing.
I can feel it in my core that God is going to use me (as He has before) in new ways. Calling me to obedience. Calling me to feed off His word daily. Calling me to be satisfied in Him. Pray for me along the way. Pray fro Kevin too- as he puts up with my new ideas and wild journey. Pray that we have a shared vision of this new life we are building up here. Thank you for sharing in this journey with me. As for the little resolutions I have... here are a few....
1. Run a half marathon/be in good overall health
2. Begin and finish applications for grad school
3. volunteer somewhere with teen mothers
4. volunteer with a church high school group
5. minimize my closet to 100 items or less (yes this is a real problem for me)
6. If I can't pronounce it, don't eat it
7. craft once a month
8. say thank you to every soldier in uniform that I encounter (that may sound corny, but I never have the courage to do so because I almost cry every time and I get too embarrassed)
9. Cut out soda completely ( I am a caffeine free diet coke freak)
10. Read God's word and have a quiet time daily.
Thank you for reading. This was a long one- but don't think it will be the last long one anytime soon! God is on the move.
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
Bent Low
Please read a BEAUTIFUL and humbling post from an amazing woman of the Lord. Follow her story here:
http://www.kissesfromkatie.blogspot.com/ and if you know her story already, well read this again anyways because the words of God flow from her mouth. An example of what faith and obedience brings.
As I read He is calling me. Calling me to live bent low. Serving. Loving. In all I do. He is calling me to live extrodinarily in the ordinary. Maybe He is calling YOU too? He nevers puts something on our hearts for nothing,a nd I've already been confirmed in that for many years. So please. Read this post and pray that God will open your heart to love Him more, and love others in response. But first- watch this little video about her story.
"Around here, we live bent low.
Tuesday morning ladies from Masese stream through my front door. We have moved our weekly meeting from the slum of Masese to my living room because I have been up all night with new foster baby and can’t imagine getting all 14 of these little people out of the house. Excited about a change of pace and my sweet friends in my home, I enlist the help of darling Tamara and 13 eager little girls to give these ladies pedicures. We wash and we rub and we paint. I rub lotion into old scarred feet and think of the journeys they have traveled. I whisper thanks for the ways they have blessed me and the things they have taught me, and here in a puddle on the hard tile floor, Joy overflows.
It is on this same cold, smooth tile that I kneel hours later, face inches away from the burn on Makerere’s calf. The stench doesn’t even bother me anymore. And while it looks horrific to outside eyes, I remember what it looked like months ago and ever so slowly, I can see the healing. I can see the healing in the blood red life that spills out as I bandage and in the smiling eyes that tell me stories as I work. Laying on my belly with a surgical blade I scrape out the dead and do my best to preserve the new pink tissue that is starting to form around the edges. He laughs and says, “I have told you now all the stories I have! It must be your turn.” And I tell him a story of a Heavenly King born as a pauper and of a Body broken for me and for him and for each one of us. And I don’t even realize but there are tears on the tile and I sit astonished that messy, inadequate, ungraceful me would get to share such a story.
We sit in the dirt, not worried about the red stains and serve 400 plates of food to sponsored children on Saturday. I look into these faces and remember them nearly 4 years ago, destitute and hopeless and starving. Afraid of my funny white skin. We feed them lunch and we feed them God’s Word and we watch them transform. We feel like family now, no one noticing these skin differences. The suns rays beat down the glory of God and covered in mud and chicken broth I know that this is contentment.
Our family sits on the street corner down town sharing ice cream and laughter. My daughter bends low to offer a homeless man her popsicle and as he cries that no one cares about him she looks straight into his face. “We will be your family,” she asserts, and she means it. We kneel on the pavement and we pray and people stop to look but we hardly notice because we were made for this.
We bend.
I bend to sweep crumbs and I bend to wipe vomit and I bend to pick up little ones and wipe away tears. I bend over a big pot of stew and I bend to fold endless laundry and I bend over math books and spelling sentences and history quiz corrections. And at the end of these days I bend next to the bed and I ask only that I could bend more, bend lower.
Because I serve a Savior who came to be a servant. He lived bent low. And bent down here is where I see His face.
He lived, only to die.
Could I?
Die to self and just break open for love.
This Savior, His one purpose to spend Himself on behalf of messy us. Will I spend myself on behalf of those in front of me?
And people say, “Don’t you get tired?” and yes, I do. But I’m face to face with Jesus in the dirt, and the more I bend the harder and better and fuller this life gets. And sure, we are tired, but oh we are happy. Because bent down low is where we find fullness of Joy.
Praying for you as you bend today for whoever is in front of you. He will meet you there."
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
Am I a Northwesterner?
After talking with my mom for a few minutes the other day, I've decided to needed to share a few things that I have learned/had to do (that I never thought I'd ever do)/or got to do since coming to the NW.
- Fetch eggs from the family chickens
- scare a deer out of the yard so I could get in my car
- buy an ice scraper
- use ice scraper on all windows or frozen car
- watch my neighbor practice his flame ball moves
- buy and wear manly rain/snow/utility boots in public
- wear driving gloves (not for the actual purpose of driving, but because the steering wheel in my car is so cold it hurts to hold it while driving)
- Consider moving to Texas for no other reason but the warmth
- make a fire everyday (I am a PRO... well with a lighter at least)
- take Zoey to a 50 acre open dog park
- pet 6 great danes! they were beautiful!
- consider owning a great dane
- consider buying and wearing one of those burglar snow masks to walk Zoey
- Knit a scarf to actually wear
- Think it was "warm" at 49 degrees outside
- Wipe 50 noses in two weeks (oh wait... that has nothing to do with the NW)
- Make fresh salsa every two weeks because I am desperate for El Torasco
- Have multiple dreams about two things
- InNOut burger
- Tanning my feet (so random but makes sense- my feet are always cold! They need to make shoes with ugg material inside but not actual uggs b/c I look crazy wearing uggs all the time)
Sunday, December 11, 2011
Choose L.O.V.E.
After many articles on Christmas and the "reason for the season" I am really working on rethinking the entire point of Christmas. Kevin and I may have some opposing views about it, after talking about a recent article from the wonderful Jen Hatmaker. It is worth the read. And painfully, many people won't read it because they are :too busy, not interested, or not willing to take an honest look at themselves and the holidays and make changes that they are convicted about. There are many panful things she writes about, child slavery (which is STILL happening all over the world), sex trafficking (which STILL happens everywhere including America- particularly in the OC), corruption, greed, lackluster love for God, unappreciation for the miraculous birth of Jesus Christ, materialism, and much more. I feel it is a reflection of our culture, and what it has done to our families.
I frequently sometimes find myself picturing the little family I want to have, no tv, no video games, just family fun. Kids who we pour ourselves into with TIME and ATTENTION instead of pacifying them so that I can "do more important things" like watch tv or look at blogs or a bunch of other useless things I can't think of that we have come to value. What is more important than raising your children to know and love and honor and revere the Lord!? ( Yes, I know I do not have kids, yes I'm sure that maybe I am coming off strong, yes I know that "If you had kids you'd fill-in-the-blank- with whatever things I am against" but I pray with all my might that we will be different. That the love of God would be our desire, and our focus. That we would be a family (even as we are only a family of 2.5 [kevin would be mad if I didn't include our dog Zoey as some numerical value so she gets 0.5] right now) who seeks God above material wealth, looks for ways to continually serve our community/friends/family, who doesn't live in excess, but freely gives that excess to important things like : water wells in communities that need them (i.e. a large majority of Africa), food to local shelters or programs like this Watts Powerhouse Food where my dad serves the local community with food, clothing, and educational services all from donors, or for programs like The International Justice Mission who do AMAZING work all over the world.
There are hundreds more but I think you get the point, and you will especially get the point if you read Jen's link: GIVE THE GIFT OF CLEAN WATER, FOOD, OR FREEDOM INSTEAD OF WASTING HUNDREDS OR THOUSANDS ON SWEATERS AND CD'S AND GADGETS THAT ARE MOMENTARY PLEASURES. What is YOUR hard earned money worth? Honestly, decide. Choose to love those in need. Real need, not like "I neeeeeed Justin Bieber's new single". Think about what your money is worth.
"I worked really hard, made sacrifices, missed special events, got up early, worked through the night, on and on to buy my brother, sister, mom, dad, aunt, husband, son, daughter _____________________ (fill in the blank). That they use for a while and then forget/get bored/want the next best thing. When I could've helped to change the overall health and life expectancy of an entire village by raising money and donating to their water initiative (check this one out owned by Matt Damon), or feeding 150 kids for Christmas break who would otherwise starve all week, literally. Or choosing to fight for the freedom and basic human rights we ALL deserve by supporting companies who fight for the abused, abandoned, and alone. Did I use my money for good? To serve others, or did I waste it on material things? "
I dare you to ask yourself these questions. And I am certain there are other ministries or areas of service/people groups YOU feel convicted to help, these are just a few of mine, but I want to encourage you to DO SOMETHING about it!
You money, your time, your efforts are worth so much more than what Target tells you (granted I like Target and all, but honestly). IM BEING SERIOUS! You may be laughing and calling me a freak by now, which I am okay with. But seriously. Does buying a Snuggie, Family Guy cup set, and Season 4 of House really change your life or anyone who gets it!? NO. So please, I beg you (and myself) to make a change and decide that you can do better. You can be a part of change and progress in our world during a season of selfishness and financial waste.
NOW: Do I think that giving gifts is wrong? NO. Do I think celebrating Christmas with loved ones is wrong? NO. Is Santa the devil? NO, but the devil certainly sneaks his way into our hearts and makes us care about ALL the wrong things for all the wrong reasons about many holidays or celebrated events. My point is this- we can do better. We can choose to celebrate by doing great things for others. We can celebrate by making thoughtful gifts, spending TIME instead of mass amounts of money with those we love, and not time side by side watching "A Christmas Story" which is funny but pointless, but invested time, meaningful time. We can celebrate by choosing to spend in a smarter way. Avoiding that dollar section (of which I am guilty) at Target or Old Navy or wherever to buy cute/equally useless gifts for people and put that money towards water, food, and freedom. Be intentional about it. All of it. Limit yourself- or create boundaries for how you will spend so that you are set up for success of both thinking about those you love, and those you want to help. For every hundred you spend on gifts, donate that same amount and so on.
Make it about LOVE. The love of God to send His son Jesus Christ to earth (and while many will say- the point of Christmas historically was not about Jesus' birth, he wasn't actually born on Christmas and so on- this is what our country for many many years chooses to celebrate His glorious birth- so this is when we will celebrate it!). Focus on the love you have for your friends and family and find better ways to show them besides an itunes gift card. (i.e. make them a cd of all the songs that mean something to you both, or a set of songs meant to inspire them while they train for a marathon, study for finals, or are going through a hard time- be intentional and thoughtful.)
AM I MAKING SENSE HERE!?
Lastly, choose to love those you don't know. Those who you will never meet. Choose to love those in need out of the goodness of your heart. Choose LOVE over gifts and gadgets. By choosing to love those we'll never meet or see or get a thank you from, we are choosing to love others as we love ourselves. Which is the greatest commandment of all.
Matthew 22: 36-40
36 “Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?”
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